Just for laughes

Proverbs 21:23, The Amplified Bible"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from troubles."

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass acrossan urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform herthat there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.

People from the neighborhood rushed around to find outwhat the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...

Just for Laughes

Let's vote on this now!

Lee, Chee, and Chiam are in a boat in the Singapor river, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life jacket. Lee says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life Jacket." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Chee and Chiam get one vote each;

Lee gets six!

Just for Laughes

Who is Hu? Chinese leader to visit US
He is president and undisputed leader of a fast-rising nation whose emergence poses economic, diplomatic and security challenges for Washington.

Bush is meeting Hu (WHO?)
I dun care who just get the arrangements done. After that get me Koffi! The assistant asked, Sir U want coffee? Ya! Koffi Anan. Ok I will try to get coffee n Nann for your tea break.

Just for laughes

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Malaysia... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Musa Ali
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Tekka Aye Championship.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Dubai with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.

Just for laughes

Ram, Shaam and Billu, three friends, died and went up to God. God said
that they could stay in Heaven only if they did not eat the apples from
the sacred tree.

After a while, Ram got greedy and ate an apple. God summoned him. Ram
said, 'God please forgive me and let me stay in heaven.' God replied,
'OK, but you will have to sleep with your new wife every 12 hours.' Ram
was happy only to find his new wife was uglier than a frog.

Meanwhile, Shaam also ate an apple thinking God was too busy but he too
was summoned. God said, 'Shaam, I did not expect this from you, but you
have to be punished. You have to sleep with your wife every 6 hours.'
Shaam's wife was uglier than the Ram's wife.

Billu was happy in heaven and never dared go near the tree. One day he
was summoned by God and Billu was scared. God pointed to a beautiful
woman and said, 'This is your wife and you can sleep with her anytime.'

Billu replied, 'But I have done nothing good to deserve this beautiful
woman.'

God says, 'Yes, but this time, she ate the apple!'

Just for laughes

A Singapore PR (previously came from Malaysia) named Ah Meng was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make. He could go to Singapore Hell or to Malaysia Hell. Naturally, An Meng wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Malaysia Hell. There outside the door was Ah Lian, looking bored.

'What's it like in there?' asked Ah Meng.

'Well,' he replied , 'In Malaysia Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'

'That's terrible!' gasped Ah Meng. 'I'm going to check out Singapore Hell!' He went over to Singapore Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon. Ah Meng pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found An Gu busily signing people in. An Meng asked Ah Gu what Singapore Hell was like.

'In Singapore Hell,' said An Gu impatiently, 'they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'
'But ... but that's the same as Malaysia Hell!' protested Ah Meng.

'True,' sighed An Gu, 'but sometimes we don't have oil (expensive), sometimes can't get vultures (bird flu)...