Just for Laughes

Two Indian ladies had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very
faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the
Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped
in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off
her panties and use them.
Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and
did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his
normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the
other husband and said, "These darn girls nights have got to stop.

I'm starting to suspect the worst ... my wife came home with no
panties!"

"That's nothing" said the other husband, Sam Yee.

"Mine came back with a card stuck in the crack of her butt that said,
"From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you."

Condom Taboo in Malaysia

The Malaysian government cannot openly advocate condom use to fight AIDS in this Muslim-majority country, and so must rely on voluntary groups to promote the method, an official said Monday.
The government "strongly believes" in the use of condoms to prevent the spread of the HIV virus, said Jalal Halil Khalil, the deputy director of the Health Ministry's AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases unit.

"But some people may misinterpret us to be promoting promiscuity. So we cannot be too open ... we have to take into account religious sensitivities," he told The Associated Press.
He said parades and other mass campaigns to highlight condom use or discuss sex, as seen in neighboring Thailand, remained taboo here.

Earlier this year, the health ministry had warned the number of HIV infections in Malaysia could surge by more than fourfold to 300,000 by 2015 as the virus spread rapidly from high-risk groups, such as drug addicts, to the general public.

On Sunday, the International AIDS Memorial Day, Jalal called on non-governmental organizations, such as the Malaysian AIDS Council, to take on the task of promoting condom use.
Malaysian AIDS Council president Adeeba Kamarulzaman told the AP although the group had been able to carry out education and awareness drives, it had been impossible so far to put on a big generalized campaign, using the mass media for example.

Management Screws

Ah Neh wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else.
So one day, Ah Neh got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.

Ah Neh said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called herboyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the money very fast, he won' t even be able to get his pants down." So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call. Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.She responded, "The bastard used coins!"

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

Just for Laughes

A peasant was overseeing his herd of animals in the last family farm in Singapore when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the peasant, "If I tell you exactly how many sows and piglets you have in your herd, Will you give me a piglet?"

The peasant looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?" The yuppie parks his car, whips out his HP notebook computer, connects it to his RAZRV3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls upa GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution on photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, hereceives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed andthe data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the peasant and says,"You have exactly 986 pigs and piglets." "That's right. Well, I guess youcan take one of my piglets," says the peasant. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the peasant says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my piglet?" The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

You're a MP for the PAP", says the peasant.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the peasant "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarterthan me you are; and you don't know a thing about pigs...this is a herd of goats.

Now give me back my dog.

Heaven and Hell

A Malaysian dies and goes to hell.There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.He goes first to the German hell and asks: "What do they do here?"

He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour.Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of theday."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves onHe checks out the American hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.

Then he comes to the Malaysian hell and finds that there is a verylong line of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks "What do they do here?"He is told "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour.

Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Malaysian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day.

But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?

Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed and the devil is a former Govt servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goesto the canteen for teh-tarik..&...chit chat

Malaysia FTA with USA

Have you seen the Made-in-Malaysia car "Kancil"? You know, that very little 600cc car??? Well, Dr M really wanted to sell it to the US, so when Dr M paid a visit to the White House after finishing formal discussions with George Bush, Dr M checks with Bush to find out if there is a way to sell the Kancil in the USA .

After having looked at the brochure, Bush said, "You know, I think this 'KERNCHILL' is too small for us Americans." Not one who gives up easily, Dr M persisted and finally Bush offered, "Ok, take this number down. This guy is my good buddy and he's also the CEO of the biggest compact car distributor in North America ."

Dr M was satisfied with the meeting and returns to Malaysia . The next day
he called the number and a lady answered *,"TOYS R US , can I help you?"*