Reply to a Matrimonial Ad in Bangalore
Madam:
I am an old young uncle living only with myself in Bangalore. Having seen your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on you and hope you will take me nicely.
I am a soiled son from inside Karnataka. I am nice and big, six foot tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like cricket and I am a good batter and I am fast baller. Whenever I come running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.
I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am jolly. I am gay.
Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing ladies to get on top. That is how nice I am.
I am not having any bad habits. I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every morning I am going to the gym and I am pumping like anything. Daily I am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am pumping the dumb belles in the gym.
I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you.
I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to do?
So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my things into your hand.
If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb belles in the gym.
If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press you and press you until you come. So I am placing my head between your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope. I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.
Expecting soon,
Yours and only yours
Jiyo
...
You can stop laughing now, this maybe one of ur relatives.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Just for laughes
One Ah Singh was enjoying the sun at the beach in America . A lady came ?asked him, "Are you relaxing?" Singh answered, " No, I am Banta Singh."
Another guy came and asked him the same question. Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!"
Third one came and asked him the same question again.
Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing." The Singh slapped him on his face and said, Stupid, idiot.
Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!"
Another guy came and asked him the same question. Singh answered, "No No Me Banta Singh!"
Third one came and asked him the same question again.
Singh was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Singh soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked, "Are you Relaxing?" The other Singh was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing." The Singh slapped him on his face and said, Stupid, idiot.
Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!"
Friday, January 18, 2008
Just for Laughes
Sardar Gurbachan Neh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window.
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief' ..."
He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. "Oye, I am only following the instructions yaar," he says, " it says here, 'Answer the following questions in brief' ..."
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Just for Laughes
Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?"
Ha ha... The Malaysian are watching you and making a DVD of your love life...
Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?"
Santa: "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World channel'. How does he know that?"
Ha ha... The Malaysian are watching you and making a DVD of your love life...
Just for Laughes
Two Ah Nehs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell. So the other asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? "
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger...
" Hearing this the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
The first one replied, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? "
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger...
" Hearing this the second one started crying.
The first one was astonished and asked other, "Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Just for Laughes
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his neighbor, a Singh, came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. He opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into his house.
A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house he went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Singh came again, looking very heated up. He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.
Puzzled by his actions, the man asked him, "Is something wrong?"
To which the ferocious Singh replied, " There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
A little later he came out of his house again, looking nervous, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again.
Angrily, back into the house he went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here our Singh came again, looking very heated up. He marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it shut harder than ever.
Puzzled by his actions, the man asked him, "Is something wrong?"
To which the ferocious Singh replied, " There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I have mail!"
Monday, January 14, 2008
Just for Laughes
3 INDIANS and 3 FRENCH are travelling by train to a Cricket match at the World Cup. At the station, the 3 FRENCH buy a ticket each and watch as the 3 INDIANS buy just one ticket for them all.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on only oneticket?" asks one of the FRENCH. "Watch and learn," answers one of the INDIAN.
They all board the train. The FRENCH take their respective seats but all 3 INDIANS cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please. " The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.The conductor takes it and moves on.
The FRENCH see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game,they decide to copy the INDIAN style on the returntrip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for three on the return trip. To their astonishment, the INDIANS don't buy ticket at all!!! How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed FRENCH. "Watch and learn," answers an INDIAN.
When they board the train the 3 FRENCH cram into one toilet and soon after the 3 INDIANS cram into another nearby toilet.The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the INDIAN leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the FRENCH are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The INDIAN takes the ticket and goes back into his toilet.
"How are the 3 of you going to travel on only oneticket?" asks one of the FRENCH. "Watch and learn," answers one of the INDIAN.
They all board the train. The FRENCH take their respective seats but all 3 INDIANS cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train departs, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please. " The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand.The conductor takes it and moves on.
The FRENCH see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game,they decide to copy the INDIAN style on the returntrip and save some money.
When they get to the station, they buy one ticket for three on the return trip. To their astonishment, the INDIANS don't buy ticket at all!!! How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed FRENCH. "Watch and learn," answers an INDIAN.
When they board the train the 3 FRENCH cram into one toilet and soon after the 3 INDIANS cram into another nearby toilet.The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the INDIAN leaves the toilet and walks over to the toilet where the FRENCH are hiding.
He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please."The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The INDIAN takes the ticket and goes back into his toilet.
Friday, January 11, 2008
New Knights for the King!
President SR Nathan has appointed new members to the Council of Presidential Advisers (CPA). The appointments take effect from 2 January.
Retired High Court judge, Mr Goh Joon Seng, was appointed as a member of the CPA for a term of six years.
Also appointed, as alternate members of the CPA for a four-year term, are chairman of Keppel Corp, Mr Lim Chee Onn, and SIA's chairman and president of the Singapore National Employers' Federation, Mr Stephen Lee Ching Yen.
The President's Office also announced that Dr Cheong Siew Keong has retired as a member of the CPA upon the expiry of his term on 1 January.
The CPA continues to be chaired by Mr J Y Pillay, chairman of the Singapore Exchange. The other members are Mr S Dhanabalan, Professor Cham Tao Soon, Mr Po'ad Bin Shaik Abu Bakar Mattar and Mr Yong Pung How.
Dr Cheong has served on the Council since its inception in January 1992, and President Nathan deeply appreciates his 16 years of invaluable service on the Council.
According to the Istana website, it is obligatory for the President to consult the Council before he vetoes the budgets of the government and key government-linked bodies.
Retired High Court judge, Mr Goh Joon Seng, was appointed as a member of the CPA for a term of six years.
Also appointed, as alternate members of the CPA for a four-year term, are chairman of Keppel Corp, Mr Lim Chee Onn, and SIA's chairman and president of the Singapore National Employers' Federation, Mr Stephen Lee Ching Yen.
The President's Office also announced that Dr Cheong Siew Keong has retired as a member of the CPA upon the expiry of his term on 1 January.
The CPA continues to be chaired by Mr J Y Pillay, chairman of the Singapore Exchange. The other members are Mr S Dhanabalan, Professor Cham Tao Soon, Mr Po'ad Bin Shaik Abu Bakar Mattar and Mr Yong Pung How.
Dr Cheong has served on the Council since its inception in January 1992, and President Nathan deeply appreciates his 16 years of invaluable service on the Council.
According to the Istana website, it is obligatory for the President to consult the Council before he vetoes the budgets of the government and key government-linked bodies.
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Pre-paid phone cards - FTs are using them
PAYPHONES are dead? Think again. Go to any foreign worker haunt in Singapore and the amount of advertising for payphone services will astound. Thai, Myanmar, Hindi - the ads are tailored in the language of these foreign workers.
With pre-paid phone cards, everything is dead simple. No registration. No set up. Never mind a PC, you don't even need your own phone!
Two flavours are available. Chipcards, which can be used only on phones equipped to read the embedded chip. Scratch cards, in contrast, contain a PIN which can used on any type of phone.
It costs only 8.5 cents a minute for the scratch card. Not the cheapest but it involves the least hassle.
"I don't need to subscribe to a phone plan, and I am only charged for the amount of time that I use," said 31-year-old Filipino domestic worker Jasmine Argapao who swears by StarHub calling cards.
The StarHub HomeConnect Card wins hands down for cost. But over the phone, the voice of my friend in Thailand lacked her usual punch, though it was clear.
I used the cheapest "Special Promotions" plan. HomeConnect offers two higher plans: IDD 018 and IDD 008. The low-level white noise during pauses in the conversation didn't affect clarity. Also, it took more than 10 seconds before I got a connection. Standard phone charges apply.
Using a toll-free number on the SingTel Hello! Card, connection was immediate. The rates are higher but my Thailand friend sounded like she was in Singapore, bright and totally clear.
One more tip: Buy the cards from your heartland mom-and-pop shop. I got 50 cents off on both the $10 cards I bought.
With pre-paid phone cards, everything is dead simple. No registration. No set up. Never mind a PC, you don't even need your own phone!
Two flavours are available. Chipcards, which can be used only on phones equipped to read the embedded chip. Scratch cards, in contrast, contain a PIN which can used on any type of phone.
It costs only 8.5 cents a minute for the scratch card. Not the cheapest but it involves the least hassle.
"I don't need to subscribe to a phone plan, and I am only charged for the amount of time that I use," said 31-year-old Filipino domestic worker Jasmine Argapao who swears by StarHub calling cards.
The StarHub HomeConnect Card wins hands down for cost. But over the phone, the voice of my friend in Thailand lacked her usual punch, though it was clear.
I used the cheapest "Special Promotions" plan. HomeConnect offers two higher plans: IDD 018 and IDD 008. The low-level white noise during pauses in the conversation didn't affect clarity. Also, it took more than 10 seconds before I got a connection. Standard phone charges apply.
Using a toll-free number on the SingTel Hello! Card, connection was immediate. The rates are higher but my Thailand friend sounded like she was in Singapore, bright and totally clear.
One more tip: Buy the cards from your heartland mom-and-pop shop. I got 50 cents off on both the $10 cards I bought.
Friday, January 04, 2008
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
