Just for laughes

Proverbs 21:23, The Amplified Bible"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from troubles."

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass acrossan urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform herthat there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.

People from the neighborhood rushed around to find outwhat the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...

Just for Laughes

Let's vote on this now!

Lee, Chee, and Chiam are in a boat in the Singapor river, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life jacket. Lee says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life Jacket." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Chee and Chiam get one vote each;

Lee gets six!

Just for Laughes

Who is Hu? Chinese leader to visit US
He is president and undisputed leader of a fast-rising nation whose emergence poses economic, diplomatic and security challenges for Washington.

Bush is meeting Hu (WHO?)
I dun care who just get the arrangements done. After that get me Koffi! The assistant asked, Sir U want coffee? Ya! Koffi Anan. Ok I will try to get coffee n Nann for your tea break.

Just for laughes

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Malaysia... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Musa Ali
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Tekka Aye Championship.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Dubai with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.

Just for laughes

Ram, Shaam and Billu, three friends, died and went up to God. God said
that they could stay in Heaven only if they did not eat the apples from
the sacred tree.

After a while, Ram got greedy and ate an apple. God summoned him. Ram
said, 'God please forgive me and let me stay in heaven.' God replied,
'OK, but you will have to sleep with your new wife every 12 hours.' Ram
was happy only to find his new wife was uglier than a frog.

Meanwhile, Shaam also ate an apple thinking God was too busy but he too
was summoned. God said, 'Shaam, I did not expect this from you, but you
have to be punished. You have to sleep with your wife every 6 hours.'
Shaam's wife was uglier than the Ram's wife.

Billu was happy in heaven and never dared go near the tree. One day he
was summoned by God and Billu was scared. God pointed to a beautiful
woman and said, 'This is your wife and you can sleep with her anytime.'

Billu replied, 'But I have done nothing good to deserve this beautiful
woman.'

God says, 'Yes, but this time, she ate the apple!'

Just for laughes

A Singapore PR (previously came from Malaysia) named Ah Meng was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make. He could go to Singapore Hell or to Malaysia Hell. Naturally, An Meng wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Malaysia Hell. There outside the door was Ah Lian, looking bored.

'What's it like in there?' asked Ah Meng.

'Well,' he replied , 'In Malaysia Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'

'That's terrible!' gasped Ah Meng. 'I'm going to check out Singapore Hell!' He went over to Singapore Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon. Ah Meng pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found An Gu busily signing people in. An Meng asked Ah Gu what Singapore Hell was like.

'In Singapore Hell,' said An Gu impatiently, 'they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'
'But ... but that's the same as Malaysia Hell!' protested Ah Meng.

'True,' sighed An Gu, 'but sometimes we don't have oil (expensive), sometimes can't get vultures (bird flu)...

Just for laughes

A lady in black tudong walk pass a row of pubs when a drunk stumbles out, see her and punches her in the face.
Before she can scream.
He lands her a quick jab and finishes with an uppercut.
She goes down and the drunk starts kicking herin the sides.
A few of his friends walk out of the pub and as they pull him off.
He yelled, "You are not so tough are you! Batman?"

Just for laughes

A couple is standing in line at a Macdonald waiting to order their food.

There is a big sign posted at the front: No bills larger than $10 will be accepted.

The woman in front of them, pointing at the sign and said, "Believe me, if I have a bill larger than $10, I'm sure wouldn't be eating here!"

Salute To Mardan Mamat

Osim Singapore Master Winner!

WHAT' S GOLF
Golf is like a love affair
If you don ' t take it seriously, it' s fun
If you take it seriously, It' s going to be heart-ache.

Golf is a lot of walking
broken up with lots of disappointments.

Bush HARD on India.

Both Bush and Indian PM Singh met up during the recent Nuclear talks.

Bush: " Well, since we are done with the signing let me continue with we I love best."
Singh: " Wats that then?"
Bush: " I sense that you have put on a very nice Cologne! Yum...."
Singh: " Its really nothing, just apply oil to ur hair every two week and keep them neat under the turban, the fragrance will be produced by itself!!"
Bush: " Well its very unique, what is it called."
Singh: " Its Air India!"

Just For Laughes

I found this.... Ha ha....

Mahathir was so disappointed with his cabinet for being inefficient and corrupt that he decided to call on Goh Chok Tong and ask him how he managed to have such an efficient and uncorruptable cabinet.

On hearing Mahathir's woes, PM Goh said, 'Simple, Mahathir, I choose able men for my cabinet. ' Mahathir asked, 'Yes, but how do you know that they are able?' PM Goh replied, Just ask them simple questions to test their intelligence. They don't need to be too difficult. Let me illustrate to you.'

Just then, Tony Tan was walking by, PM Goh called out to him, 'Hey Tony, come over here.' Tony obediently walked briskly over. PM Goh asked, 'Tell me, Tony, who is your father's son ?'

Tony Tan immediately replied, 'Me! Of course.' PM Goh turned to Mahathir and said, 'See, all my ministers can answer this question. Why don't you go back and try.' Mahathir thank PM Goh and left.

Once he was back, he immediately summoned Anwar, his deputy, and shot the question at him, 'Tell me, Anwar, who is your father's son ?' Anwar was shocked beyond words and did not know the answer

After a while, he recovered and said, 'Boss, let me find out and I'll tell you tomorrow.' Mahathir, a bit disappointed, agreed, hoping that Anwar will give a good answer tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Anwar was panicking that his boss was testing him. He tried desperately to find out the answer from his staff, but none of them knew the answer. The next morning, he decided to call Bill Clinton for help.

Surely the most powerful person in the world must know the answer. When Bill picked up the phone, Anwar said, 'Hello, Bill, can I ask you a question?' Clinton, very busy, replied, 'Alright, but it better be good!' Anwar quickly asked, Tell me, who is your father's son ?'

Clinton was fuming, 'Of course its me, you stupid!' and he slammed the phone down

Satisfied that he got the answer, he confidently walked into Mahathir's office and said, 'Boss, I've got the answer to your question.'

Mahathir, happy that his deputy wasn't that dumb, said, 'So tell me quick, who is your father's son, Anwar?' Anwar confidently replied, 'It''s BILL CLINTON!'

Mahathir slapped his own forehead in disgust and said, No you stupid! It's TONY TAN!'

Top Ah Neh Pass away

Former Deputy Prime Minister S. Rajaratnam, one of Singapore's founding fathers, has died.

The man who penned the lines for the Singapore Pledge, Mr Rajaratnam had retired from politics in 1988 after 29 years in Cabinet - the last four as Senior Minister.

Mr Rajaratnam, who would have turned 91 years old on Saturday, died of heart failure at 3.15pm on Wednesday.

A former journalist, Mr Rajaratnam had a long and illustrious career as a Cabinet Minister.

But he will also be remembered for his keen intellect, his passion for ideas and books, his humour and his wit.

In 1983, Mr Rajaratnam said: "Singapore run only by PhD's would be my vision of a purgatory. Equally, a government run by road sweepers can be no less a terrifying place to live in."

He once said: "Singapore is prosperous and people are leaving us alone because we are strong and nobody disturbs...

"Even elephants do not disturb a hornet's nest. The hornets are very small but if you go and disturb the hornets' nests, all the hornets join together and can make life miserable - no animal ever disturbs an hornet's nest though the nest is very small.

"So Singapore should be a hornet's nest, two-and-a- half million people, everyone is a bee with a sting."

Born in Sri Lanka on 25 February 1915, Mr Rajaratnam was educated at Victoria Institution in Kuala Lumpur and then Raffles Institution in Singapore.

He became politically active during a stint in London.

And it was in London that he met his wife Piroska Feher, a Hungarian teacher and his soul-mate in their 48 years of marriage.

After the Second World War, Mr Rajaratnam first worked as a reporter, and then Associate Editor of the Singapore Standard from 1950 to 1954.

Even then, he believed in nationalism and self-determination, and that Singapore must be run by Singaporeans.

One of the founder members of the People's Action Party, he quit journalism in 1959 to run in the Legislative Assembly Elections. He served in the Kampong Glam constituency for 29 years.

Soon after being elected, Mr Rajaratnam was appointed Minister of Culture and he made television history with the first speech to be broadcast to Singaporeans.

On 15 February 1963, Mr Rajaratnam said: "Tonight Television Singapore begins transmission with the mother's pilot service. And tonight marked the start of a social and actual revolution in our lives.

"If used intelligently and responsibly, television can far more effectively than any other mass media broaden the intellectual horizons of the ordinary man."

Mr Rajaratnam had more than a knack for simplifying and presenting ideas to the man in the street.

President S.R. Nathan said: "He had a sobering effect in times of crisis. He was a communicator of what they had intended to do.

"He was an ideas' man. Sometimes maybe far-fetched but ideas nevertheless drawn from history, drawn from experience, drawn from his journalistic experience. And sometimes he probably would say how this was to be conveyed.

"So even tough messages could be conveyed in language that the average man can understand and relate to. This was necessary at that time. People were looking for leadership and guidance from the government and invariably they realise that this government would find them the answer."

As Singapore's first foreign minister, Mr Rajaratnam worked from scratch to set up the Foreign Service and formulated a foreign policy to put then little-known Singapore on the map of international politics.

Mr Lee Kuan Yew, Singapore's Prime Minister (1959-1990), said: "Raja was a man of enormous charm, personal charm, integrity and character and he had a difficult job because Singapore was a difficult country to represent.

"I mean, we were small, we were not viable and people doubted whether we would survive, but he had this enormous gift of being self-possessed.

"He doesn't look diffident. He is not arrogant. He is friendly, approachable, very personable and he gets on with people. He wins the confidence of those who deal with him, and that was a great advantage."

"So, of all my colleagues, I thought he was the one who would represent us best abroad and he did."

He was the key person who gave Singapore a louder voice - one that was out of proportion to the island-state's geopolitical significance and size.

Professor Tommy Koh, Ambassador-at-Large, said: "He has always felt that as the foreign minister of a very small country that he had to punch hard in order to be noticed.

"I also learnt from him that one ought not to be intimidated by one's small size. That if you have good ideas and you can persuade other people to know you have good ideas, you will succeed in spite of your small size. He was therefore responsible for this pro-active streak in our foreign policy tradition."

In a speech to Parliament in December 1965, Mr Rajaratnam gave a realistic appraisal of Singapore's position in Southeast Asia, and outlined a foreign policy which aims to cultivate as many permanent friends for the country as possible.

Professor Koh added: "He was a people person. People warmed up to him. He likes people. He likes company, he was the wordsmith. The government needed a friendly face to the world and he was the friendly face to the world."

On 8 August 1967, the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) was born and Mr Rajaratnam was one of the five founder-members who signed this new agreement.

ASEAN went on to grow into the major 10-member regional organisation it is today.

Back home, Mr Rajaratnam introduced the policy of multi-racialism, insisting that the three main races be accorded equal importance and significance.

And he worked hard at forging a common identity among Singaporeans.

It was an unenviable task, considering the strong communal, racial and religious differences among Singaporeans then.

On 25 February 1990, Mr Rajaratnam said: "Certainly all of us who went into politics believed in it that we can create a Singapore where race, religion, language does not matter.

"What matters is that we are one people and if you know there's a song we have. It goes something like, I cannot remember - "We are Singapore and these are my friends." - This is why I am here tonight."

This sentiment was the very basis of the Singapore Pledge he had penned:

"We the citizens of Singapore pledged ourselves as one united people. Regardless of race, language, or religion..."

Mr Rajaratnam said: "This was a new generation but now that they are all grown up, probably fathers and grandfathers but at that time, this concept (of a nation) was not even part of the imagination of adults, let alone children.

"So the best way to create a nation is to start from the schools. Once this is embodied and thinking by pure repetition everyday, that becomes part of the psyche of the people.

"So let me tell you if you are a Singaporean - two and a half million - no place to run - no more. Whether you are a Singapore Chinese, Singapore Malay and Singapore Indian, you cannot run away. This is your last stand, last outpost. So how do you do it?

"If you think of yourself as Chinese, Malays, Indians and Sri Lankans, then Singapore will collapse. You must think of Singapore - this is my country. I fight and die for Singapore if necessary."

One of the last of the Old Guard leaders to retire from politics, Mr Rajaratnam stepped down as Senior Minister at the age of 73 but he continued to work at the Institute of Southeast Asian Studies till 1996.

After his wife Piroska died in 1989, Mr Rajaratnam was asked about his thoughts on death and if he feared it.

He answered: "No, not death, but how one dies...one day, before the curtain closes, I would like to know, did I do something worthwhile?"

The answer must be a firm "yes".

Just for Laughes

MEANING OF WIFE AND HUSBAND

W --- wonderful
I ---- item
F --- for
E --- entertainment

H---- handsome
U --- useful
S --- smart
B --- but
A --- at
N --- night
D --- dangerous

Just for Laughes

RESEARCH FINDING

Research shows men are fatter than women
because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas
while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch

Just for laughes

Subject: Church Organist

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never beenmarried. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into herquaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glassbowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the waterfloated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor triedto stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater,but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "MissBeatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing tothe bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the parka few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. Thedirections said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it wouldprevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"....

Just for Laughes

HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME

This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress....
while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?".

Just for laughes

NAMES OF WIVES

One man had 4 wives, so he called his
4th wife..... baby doll,
3rd wife ....china doll,
2nd wife.....barbie doll,
1st wife..... panadol.


DON' T LOOK AT NAKED LADY

Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I ' ll turn into stone.
A part of me is getting hard already.

AhNeh Movie

"Our enemy is nameless, faceless. We don't know their numbers except that they are sure to be many. We don't know their weapons except that they are sure to be more sophisticated then woman."

If you are interested to see more of the dancing, running around trees, Indian MTV, fake fighting scene and Indian soft porn. visit http://www.indianmovieclub.com

I kind of enjoyed some to those shows. :)

Just for Laughes?????

This image is no Joke!

Just for laughes

My best friend is Pussy.






My neighor is two balls.





I live in an enclosed area. Dark and smelly.





I like being rubbed.







Its hard to be a DICK. But I love to be HARD!