Air India
Surinder Singh's uncle was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.
When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!" So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal.
The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked. The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"
Then the uncle took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American. "Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.
Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American. "What is it?" asked the American. "Sweets of India!" replied the old man.
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "pooooooooot!" sound from the uncle. "What was that?" asked the American, holding his nose in disgust. The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India."
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Just for laughes
Air Borne
4 commandos went on a mission. They were 1 American, 1 Japanese, and 2 Singaporeans ( 1 Malay and 1 Chinese).
They were on a helicopter with their barang barangs. Midway in the air, the American commando took out a brand new pack of Marlboros, opened it and took out a stick to smoke. Then he threw the rest of the pack out of the helicopter. On seeing this, the Japanese commando asked,
Japanese: Why you throw away the pack of cigarettes?
American : Marlboro!!! America got a lot !!!
Then the Japanese took out his Sony walkman, and started to listen to it. After a while, he stopped and threw the whole walkman out of the helicopter. The Chinese commando saw it and asked,
Chinese : Why you throw away your Sony walkman?
Japanese: Sony walkman!!! Japan got a lot !!!
Then the Chinese suddenly grabbed the Malay and threw him out of the helicopter. The American and the Japanese were shocked! They asked him why he threw the Malay commando out.
The Chinese commando replied: " Malay!!! Singapore got a lot !!!
Great Expectations
Mat went into the Job Centre to apply for a job. He filled in the Name, Age, Address and IC No. columns, but then paused at a column marked "Salary Expected". He wasn't sure what to write, so he thought for a long while. At last, he smiled, put his pen to paper and wrote, "Yes".
You're Fried
A British soldier, a Chinese soldier and a Malay soldier were running away from a group of Japanese soldiers and came to a deserted warehouse.
The British saw some gunny sacks and thought that the they had no choice but to hide using the gunny sacks. So the three of them hid in the gunny sack and soon the Japs came into the warehouse.
The commander saw three suspicious looking sacks, went up to the first one with the Briton hiding in it and kicked it. The quick thinking Briton cried, "Meow, meow!"
The Jap commander, thinking it was only a cat, went to the other with the Chinese inside, gave it a kick, and the Chinese cried, "Woof, woof!"
Again, the Jap commander was tricked and moved on to the third, gave it a kick, at which the Malay cried out, "Potato, potato!"
4 commandos went on a mission. They were 1 American, 1 Japanese, and 2 Singaporeans ( 1 Malay and 1 Chinese).
They were on a helicopter with their barang barangs. Midway in the air, the American commando took out a brand new pack of Marlboros, opened it and took out a stick to smoke. Then he threw the rest of the pack out of the helicopter. On seeing this, the Japanese commando asked,
Japanese: Why you throw away the pack of cigarettes?
American : Marlboro!!! America got a lot !!!
Then the Japanese took out his Sony walkman, and started to listen to it. After a while, he stopped and threw the whole walkman out of the helicopter. The Chinese commando saw it and asked,
Chinese : Why you throw away your Sony walkman?
Japanese: Sony walkman!!! Japan got a lot !!!
Then the Chinese suddenly grabbed the Malay and threw him out of the helicopter. The American and the Japanese were shocked! They asked him why he threw the Malay commando out.
The Chinese commando replied: " Malay!!! Singapore got a lot !!!
Great Expectations
Mat went into the Job Centre to apply for a job. He filled in the Name, Age, Address and IC No. columns, but then paused at a column marked "Salary Expected". He wasn't sure what to write, so he thought for a long while. At last, he smiled, put his pen to paper and wrote, "Yes".
You're Fried
A British soldier, a Chinese soldier and a Malay soldier were running away from a group of Japanese soldiers and came to a deserted warehouse.
The British saw some gunny sacks and thought that the they had no choice but to hide using the gunny sacks. So the three of them hid in the gunny sack and soon the Japs came into the warehouse.
The commander saw three suspicious looking sacks, went up to the first one with the Briton hiding in it and kicked it. The quick thinking Briton cried, "Meow, meow!"
The Jap commander, thinking it was only a cat, went to the other with the Chinese inside, gave it a kick, and the Chinese cried, "Woof, woof!"
Again, the Jap commander was tricked and moved on to the third, gave it a kick, at which the Malay cried out, "Potato, potato!"
Monday, August 15, 2005
Just for laughes
Potong Saga
A Chinese guy bought a new car, and drove it to a temple to have it blessed. The Taoist priest chanted a mantra, stuck a paper talisman on the windscreen and sprinkled some scented water over the car.
An Indian guy bought a new car, sent it to his temple - the priest chanted a prayer and sprinkled ash over the bonnet.
An Eurasian bought a new car and took it to his church - the Father said a prayer, sprinkled some holy water over the car and stuck a St. Christopher medallion on the dashboard.
A Malay guy bought a new car, took it to his regular mosque and the Imam chanted some prayers. Then, the Imam took a hacksaw, went to the back of the car and sawed of a part of the exhaust tailpipe.
Let he who is without brains cast the first stone
A war broke out between two neighbouring countries - a small island and its northern neighbour. The southern, predominantly Chinese soldiers decided to pull a trick on its northern enemy.
The southern troops called out "Eh, Mat! Mat!", and suddenly the northern troops began standing up and asking "Siapa panggil aku?" (who's calling me?).
The southeners immediately opened fire, killing a great number of these mats.
Furious, the remaining Mat soldiers decided to pull the same trick on their enemies... "Oi, Lee! Lee!", they shouted, and the Lee Soldiers started shouting back, "Kong simi?" (What are you talking about?).
The mat soldiers immediately stood up and replied, "Aku lah!" (Me, lah!), getting their heads shot off soon after.
A Chinese guy bought a new car, and drove it to a temple to have it blessed. The Taoist priest chanted a mantra, stuck a paper talisman on the windscreen and sprinkled some scented water over the car.
An Indian guy bought a new car, sent it to his temple - the priest chanted a prayer and sprinkled ash over the bonnet.
An Eurasian bought a new car and took it to his church - the Father said a prayer, sprinkled some holy water over the car and stuck a St. Christopher medallion on the dashboard.
A Malay guy bought a new car, took it to his regular mosque and the Imam chanted some prayers. Then, the Imam took a hacksaw, went to the back of the car and sawed of a part of the exhaust tailpipe.
Let he who is without brains cast the first stone
A war broke out between two neighbouring countries - a small island and its northern neighbour. The southern, predominantly Chinese soldiers decided to pull a trick on its northern enemy.
The southern troops called out "Eh, Mat! Mat!", and suddenly the northern troops began standing up and asking "Siapa panggil aku?" (who's calling me?).
The southeners immediately opened fire, killing a great number of these mats.
Furious, the remaining Mat soldiers decided to pull the same trick on their enemies... "Oi, Lee! Lee!", they shouted, and the Lee Soldiers started shouting back, "Kong simi?" (What are you talking about?).
The mat soldiers immediately stood up and replied, "Aku lah!" (Me, lah!), getting their heads shot off soon after.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Just for laughes
Taken to the cleaners
Two Malaysian mats are walking along Boon Lay Road when they see a sign which reads: 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair'.
Ali says to his pal, "Gerek, sial! We could buy a whole lot and when we get back to Johor, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you diam-diam, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Singapore accent."
They go in and Ali orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each.
The owner of the shop says, "You're from Malaysia, aren't you?"
"Oh, ... yes," says a surprised Ali. "How come you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners."
Anyhow Whack
Once there was a kampung, and the village headman was very concerned about the poor economic performance of the Malay community. So he commissioned a professor of sociology to study all the communities of the village to discover the cause.
After much study, the professor finally reported back to the headman.
"Well, it looks like the economic problems all stem from the drumbeats of each community," said the professor.
"Eh? What you talking?" replied the headman.
"You see, the Malay word for 'profit' is 'untong'. And it so happens that the Chinese drumbeat is UNTONG ... UNTONG ... UNTONG, UNTONG, UNTONG!!"
"I see, so of course they make lots of money! And what about the Indians?"
"Well, the Indians don't make that much money, so their drumbeat is SIKIT SIKIT UNTONG, SIKIT SIKIT UNTONG."
"And the Malays?"
"Unfortunately, it's TAK UNTONG, TAK UNTONG, TAK UNTONG ..."
Two Malaysian mats are walking along Boon Lay Road when they see a sign which reads: 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair'.
Ali says to his pal, "Gerek, sial! We could buy a whole lot and when we get back to Johor, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you diam-diam, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Singapore accent."
They go in and Ali orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each.
The owner of the shop says, "You're from Malaysia, aren't you?"
"Oh, ... yes," says a surprised Ali. "How come you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners."
Anyhow Whack
Once there was a kampung, and the village headman was very concerned about the poor economic performance of the Malay community. So he commissioned a professor of sociology to study all the communities of the village to discover the cause.
After much study, the professor finally reported back to the headman.
"Well, it looks like the economic problems all stem from the drumbeats of each community," said the professor.
"Eh? What you talking?" replied the headman.
"You see, the Malay word for 'profit' is 'untong'. And it so happens that the Chinese drumbeat is UNTONG ... UNTONG ... UNTONG, UNTONG, UNTONG!!"
"I see, so of course they make lots of money! And what about the Indians?"
"Well, the Indians don't make that much money, so their drumbeat is SIKIT SIKIT UNTONG, SIKIT SIKIT UNTONG."
"And the Malays?"
"Unfortunately, it's TAK UNTONG, TAK UNTONG, TAK UNTONG ..."
Friday, August 05, 2005
Just for laughes
Stick ’em up
Three men, Ah Beng, a Chinese, Ah Neh, an Indian, and Ah Mat, a Malay, were all sentenced to terms of life imprisonment for armed robbery.
Upon reaching the prison, the chief warden told them, "Since you are going to be here for a very long time, you can bring into the cell whatever you wish. Just tell me and I'll try to fulfil it."
So Ah Beng asked for a lifetime supply of cigarettes so he could drown his sorrows in smoke.
Ah Neh asked for a set of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica as he wanted to study his remaining life away, having never passed his PSLE.
Ah Mat, however, asked for a lifetime supply of tampons.
The warden was puzzled and asked, "What do you need tampons for?"
Ah Mat replied: "You never hear, is it? With tampons, you can go running, cycling, swimming......"
Logik, sial
A World Bank development official went into a kampung to help the residents improve economically.
He immediately felt the reason for the poverty was clear when he saw Mat lounging under a tree.
"Why aren't you working?" he asked.
"Work for what?" replied Mat.
World Bank Official: "So you can have an income!"
Mat: "For what?"
World Bank Official: "So you can start saving!"
Mat: "For what?"
World Bank Official: "So you don't have to work any more!"
Mat looked at him, puzzled, and said: "I'm not working now."
Three men, Ah Beng, a Chinese, Ah Neh, an Indian, and Ah Mat, a Malay, were all sentenced to terms of life imprisonment for armed robbery.
Upon reaching the prison, the chief warden told them, "Since you are going to be here for a very long time, you can bring into the cell whatever you wish. Just tell me and I'll try to fulfil it."
So Ah Beng asked for a lifetime supply of cigarettes so he could drown his sorrows in smoke.
Ah Neh asked for a set of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica as he wanted to study his remaining life away, having never passed his PSLE.
Ah Mat, however, asked for a lifetime supply of tampons.
The warden was puzzled and asked, "What do you need tampons for?"
Ah Mat replied: "You never hear, is it? With tampons, you can go running, cycling, swimming......"
Logik, sial
A World Bank development official went into a kampung to help the residents improve economically.
He immediately felt the reason for the poverty was clear when he saw Mat lounging under a tree.
"Why aren't you working?" he asked.
"Work for what?" replied Mat.
World Bank Official: "So you can have an income!"
Mat: "For what?"
World Bank Official: "So you can start saving!"
Mat: "For what?"
World Bank Official: "So you don't have to work any more!"
Mat looked at him, puzzled, and said: "I'm not working now."
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Just for laughes
A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my karma ran over your dogma."
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Just for laughes
There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Just For laughes
Three friends who, after graduating from college, were meeting for the first time in years. They each had gone back to their native cities of Jullundhar, Bombay, and Calcutta.
The man from Bombay wanted to impress his two other friends with the medical expertise in Bombay so he stated: "I know of a doctor in Bombay who joined a severed arm with special glue."
Not to be outdone, the friend from Calcutta said: "That's nothing. One of the doctors in Calcutta recently rejoined someone's head with a special ointment."
"We have gone EVEN further," proclaimed the man from Jullundhar. "One of my uncles was cut into two right around the navel. Our doctor immediately slaughtered a goat and joined its rear half to my uncle's upper half. So we have my uncle as well as two liters of milk everyday."
The man from Bombay wanted to impress his two other friends with the medical expertise in Bombay so he stated: "I know of a doctor in Bombay who joined a severed arm with special glue."
Not to be outdone, the friend from Calcutta said: "That's nothing. One of the doctors in Calcutta recently rejoined someone's head with a special ointment."
"We have gone EVEN further," proclaimed the man from Jullundhar. "One of my uncles was cut into two right around the navel. Our doctor immediately slaughtered a goat and joined its rear half to my uncle's upper half. So we have my uncle as well as two liters of milk everyday."
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