Three ah nehs had walked down to the train station from the University. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart.
After a desperate rush two of them manage to scramble onboard. The third looked sad and a passing railway official said, 'Don't feel bad, at least two out of three of you made it.'
'True…', sighed Musa, 'But the other two were only here to see me off!'
Friday, August 25, 2006
Monday, August 07, 2006
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Just for Laughes
Little Mamu says to his mother, "Mommy, I have to go and wee wee."
The mother replies back, " Would you like Mommy to take you to the toilet?"
The little boy responds back, "No, let grandma... her hand shakes a lot!"
The mother replies back, " Would you like Mommy to take you to the toilet?"
The little boy responds back, "No, let grandma... her hand shakes a lot!"
Monday, July 10, 2006
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Just For Laughes
Just before takeoff on a commercial flight, a stewardess asked Little Ali to make sure his seat belt was fastened.
"Superman don't need no seat belt," he protested.
She answered: "Superman doesn't have a name called Ali, neither does He need to travel in an airplane." He fastened it.
"Superman don't need no seat belt," he protested.
She answered: "Superman doesn't have a name called Ali, neither does He need to travel in an airplane." He fastened it.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Just For Laughes
Xiao Xin needed $100 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up, and decided to send it to the President Ah Bian.
Ah Bian was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the Xiao Xin $5. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Xiao Xin was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God which reads as follows: Dear God, Thank you so very much for sending me the money. I noticed you sent it through The Central Government. As usual those bastards deducted $95 as tax.
Ah Bian was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the Xiao Xin $5. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
Xiao Xin was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God which reads as follows: Dear God, Thank you so very much for sending me the money. I noticed you sent it through The Central Government. As usual those bastards deducted $95 as tax.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
La Pi Xiao Xin
In class today, the teacher was discussing starvation. So she asked volunteers to come up to the chalkboard to draw their own idea of starvation. But she knew better than to call on Xiao Xin because , well to put it lightly, Xiao Xin was a nuisance.
Although Xiao Xin was the only kid in class with his hand up the teacher called on Jose. So Jose goes up and draws a round circle on the board and a bunch of dots in the circle.
The teacher asks him, "What is that, Jose?" And he says, "starvation is when all you have for dinner is a bunch of peas..."The teacher says, "That's great Jose, but not quite what I'm looking for"
She begins to seek another volunteer, even though Xiao Xin is the only one with his hand up she calls on Suzy. Suzy goes up and draws a circle and only puts 2 dots in it, and explains to the teacher that starvation is only having two peas for dinner. and again the teacher says, "Well that s great but not what were looking for"... So finally she calls on Xiao Xin even though she knows she'll regret it.
Xiao Xin comes up and draws a big circle and draws a bunch of skribbly lines in it and the teach is thinking,,, well here it comes ,,,,,,,, she says, "O.K. Xiao Xin, tell us what's your idea of starvation is".
And Xiao Xin says "WELL, TEACHER ,,,, THIS CIRCLE IS A BIG ASSHOLE,,,, AND ALL THESE SKRIBBLES ARE COB-WEBS"
Although Xiao Xin was the only kid in class with his hand up the teacher called on Jose. So Jose goes up and draws a round circle on the board and a bunch of dots in the circle.
The teacher asks him, "What is that, Jose?" And he says, "starvation is when all you have for dinner is a bunch of peas..."The teacher says, "That's great Jose, but not quite what I'm looking for"
She begins to seek another volunteer, even though Xiao Xin is the only one with his hand up she calls on Suzy. Suzy goes up and draws a circle and only puts 2 dots in it, and explains to the teacher that starvation is only having two peas for dinner. and again the teacher says, "Well that s great but not what were looking for"... So finally she calls on Xiao Xin even though she knows she'll regret it.
Xiao Xin comes up and draws a big circle and draws a bunch of skribbly lines in it and the teach is thinking,,, well here it comes ,,,,,,,, she says, "O.K. Xiao Xin, tell us what's your idea of starvation is".
And Xiao Xin says "WELL, TEACHER ,,,, THIS CIRCLE IS A BIG ASSHOLE,,,, AND ALL THESE SKRIBBLES ARE COB-WEBS"
Thursday, June 08, 2006
Ha Ha
Little Indejit and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"
Grandpa replies back, "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" Little Indejit responds, "No." "Then you can't have one."
A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have one of those?"
Grandpa says, "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" Little Indejit responds "No." "Then you can't have one."
Later on, grandpa and grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but little Indejit says, "I just won $50,000!" Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?"
The little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" "Yes," says grandpa. "Then go fuck yourself."
Grandpa replies back, "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" Little Indejit responds, "No." "Then you can't have one."
A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have one of those?"
Grandpa says, "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" Little Indejit responds "No." "Then you can't have one."
Later on, grandpa and grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but little Indejit says, "I just won $50,000!" Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?"
The little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" "Yes," says grandpa. "Then go fuck yourself."
Saturday, June 03, 2006
Just for Laughes
Little Ali was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Ali, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"
"None.", replied Ali. "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Ali said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone and the third sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Ali, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
"None.", replied Ali. "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Ali said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone and the third sucking the cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Ali, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
Monday, May 29, 2006
Just For laughes
Hi guys, this is a real one.
There was this phirang guy we knew who was visiting Delhi.
Being a newbie, hewas advised by everyone against travelling by Delhi Transport Company. However, adventurous as hewas, he boarded a DTC bus one day and much to his consternation, noticed the following on the back of the seat:
Look under your seat! There WOULD be a bomb! Raise Alarm! To earn AWARD!
This was his first ever DTC ride, and needless to say, his last one!
There was this phirang guy we knew who was visiting Delhi.
Being a newbie, hewas advised by everyone against travelling by Delhi Transport Company. However, adventurous as hewas, he boarded a DTC bus one day and much to his consternation, noticed the following on the back of the seat:
Look under your seat! There WOULD be a bomb! Raise Alarm! To earn AWARD!
This was his first ever DTC ride, and needless to say, his last one!
Friday, May 19, 2006
Just for Laughes
An American was on Air Indian on the way to Delhli. Thinking that the journey is a long one he turn to an indian passenger, trying to start a conversation.
"Hi, who r u? U from India?" The Indian man felt disturbed...
And he replied, "Do you know how to talk about shit?"
The American said, "I rather not talk about such topic its not nice mentioning them here!"
The Indian shouted, "If you can't talk SHIT with me how can we continue our discussion on Nuclear Warheads?"
"Hi, who r u? U from India?" The Indian man felt disturbed...
And he replied, "Do you know how to talk about shit?"
The American said, "I rather not talk about such topic its not nice mentioning them here!"
The Indian shouted, "If you can't talk SHIT with me how can we continue our discussion on Nuclear Warheads?"
Friday, May 12, 2006
Just for Laughes
Ken visits his family friend, Ali's house who suffered a broken leg.
His friend said,"My feet are cold, pal. Can you go upstairs and fetch my slippers pls?"
Ken went up and there are his friend's gorgeous 19 year old twin daugthers in bed.
"Hi girls. Your dad sent me up here to slag you both," said Ken.
The first daugther says,"That's not true!"
"Yes it is!", says Ken, "I'll prove it."
So, Ken yells down to Ali," Both of them?"
His friend, Ali yells back,"Of Course both of them!"
His friend said,"My feet are cold, pal. Can you go upstairs and fetch my slippers pls?"
Ken went up and there are his friend's gorgeous 19 year old twin daugthers in bed.
"Hi girls. Your dad sent me up here to slag you both," said Ken.
The first daugther says,"That's not true!"
"Yes it is!", says Ken, "I'll prove it."
So, Ken yells down to Ali," Both of them?"
His friend, Ali yells back,"Of Course both of them!"
Sunday, May 07, 2006
Be WHITE
Two Pakie's see an advertisement in a window, reading "be white for $10" . They both want to become white as they believe they will no longer be subject to racial abuse.
As only one of them has any money, he agrees to try it and if it's good, he'll lend the other Pakie $10. He goes into the shop, while the other waits outside. After an hour or so, the Pakie who went to have is skin changed to white comes out looking really good and white.
The other Pakie then says "wow that really worked, can you lend me $10 so I can be white as well".
His friend turns round and says "fuck off you Pakie" and walks off.
As only one of them has any money, he agrees to try it and if it's good, he'll lend the other Pakie $10. He goes into the shop, while the other waits outside. After an hour or so, the Pakie who went to have is skin changed to white comes out looking really good and white.
The other Pakie then says "wow that really worked, can you lend me $10 so I can be white as well".
His friend turns round and says "fuck off you Pakie" and walks off.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
Just for Laughes
If the Titanic was made in India:
10) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.
9) There has to be a song with a girl wearing a white dress, singing in the rain.
8) By the end of the movie he finds his mom, dad, sister and brother.
7) It's seven and half-hours long.
6) The movie would be called "Doobta Hua Pyar".
5) Kate Winslet played by Madhuri Dixit, and Leonard Di' Caprio played by Salman Khan.
4) The boat would sink, because there are too many people on it.
3) None of the people would float for long cause of the saris.
2) They would be serving mango fruity on the boat.
1) Wait a minute it was an Indian movie if you think abou it.
AND
Can you imagine how many times we would hear "Bachaoooo"!!!
PS: The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother will float in the cold water for days and yet survive. The villain will drown in the first drops of water.
10) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.
9) There has to be a song with a girl wearing a white dress, singing in the rain.
8) By the end of the movie he finds his mom, dad, sister and brother.
7) It's seven and half-hours long.
6) The movie would be called "Doobta Hua Pyar".
5) Kate Winslet played by Madhuri Dixit, and Leonard Di' Caprio played by Salman Khan.
4) The boat would sink, because there are too many people on it.
3) None of the people would float for long cause of the saris.
2) They would be serving mango fruity on the boat.
1) Wait a minute it was an Indian movie if you think abou it.
AND
Can you imagine how many times we would hear "Bachaoooo"!!!
PS: The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother will float in the cold water for days and yet survive. The villain will drown in the first drops of water.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Just for laughes
Proverbs 21:23, The Amplified Bible"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from troubles."
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass acrossan urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform herthat there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find outwhat the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass acrossan urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform herthat there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.
People from the neighborhood rushed around to find outwhat the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.
Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...
Friday, April 21, 2006
Just for Laughes
Let's vote on this now!
Lee, Chee, and Chiam are in a boat in the Singapor river, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life jacket. Lee says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life Jacket." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Chee and Chiam get one vote each;
Lee gets six!
Lee, Chee, and Chiam are in a boat in the Singapor river, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life jacket. Lee says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life Jacket." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Chee and Chiam get one vote each;
Lee gets six!
Monday, April 17, 2006
Just for Laughes
Who is Hu? Chinese leader to visit US
He is president and undisputed leader of a fast-rising nation whose emergence poses economic, diplomatic and security challenges for Washington.
Bush is meeting Hu (WHO?)
I dun care who just get the arrangements done. After that get me Koffi! The assistant asked, Sir U want coffee? Ya! Koffi Anan. Ok I will try to get coffee n Nann for your tea break.
He is president and undisputed leader of a fast-rising nation whose emergence poses economic, diplomatic and security challenges for Washington.
Bush is meeting Hu (WHO?)
I dun care who just get the arrangements done. After that get me Koffi! The assistant asked, Sir U want coffee? Ya! Koffi Anan. Ok I will try to get coffee n Nann for your tea break.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Just for laughes
This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Malaysia... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!
NAME: Musa Ali
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Tekka Aye Championship.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Dubai with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
NAME: Musa Ali
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Tekka Aye Championship.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Dubai with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
Just for laughes
Ram, Shaam and Billu, three friends, died and went up to God. God said
that they could stay in Heaven only if they did not eat the apples from
the sacred tree.
After a while, Ram got greedy and ate an apple. God summoned him. Ram
said, 'God please forgive me and let me stay in heaven.' God replied,
'OK, but you will have to sleep with your new wife every 12 hours.' Ram
was happy only to find his new wife was uglier than a frog.
Meanwhile, Shaam also ate an apple thinking God was too busy but he too
was summoned. God said, 'Shaam, I did not expect this from you, but you
have to be punished. You have to sleep with your wife every 6 hours.'
Shaam's wife was uglier than the Ram's wife.
Billu was happy in heaven and never dared go near the tree. One day he
was summoned by God and Billu was scared. God pointed to a beautiful
woman and said, 'This is your wife and you can sleep with her anytime.'
Billu replied, 'But I have done nothing good to deserve this beautiful
woman.'
God says, 'Yes, but this time, she ate the apple!'
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Just for laughes
A Singapore PR (previously came from Malaysia) named Ah Meng was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make. He could go to Singapore Hell or to Malaysia Hell. Naturally, An Meng wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Malaysia Hell. There outside the door was Ah Lian, looking bored.
'What's it like in there?' asked Ah Meng.
'Well,' he replied , 'In Malaysia Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'
'That's terrible!' gasped Ah Meng. 'I'm going to check out Singapore Hell!' He went over to Singapore Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon. Ah Meng pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found An Gu busily signing people in. An Meng asked Ah Gu what Singapore Hell was like.
'In Singapore Hell,' said An Gu impatiently, 'they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'
'But ... but that's the same as Malaysia Hell!' protested Ah Meng.
'True,' sighed An Gu, 'but sometimes we don't have oil (expensive), sometimes can't get vultures (bird flu)...
'What's it like in there?' asked Ah Meng.
'Well,' he replied , 'In Malaysia Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'
'That's terrible!' gasped Ah Meng. 'I'm going to check out Singapore Hell!' He went over to Singapore Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon. Ah Meng pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found An Gu busily signing people in. An Meng asked Ah Gu what Singapore Hell was like.
'In Singapore Hell,' said An Gu impatiently, 'they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'
'But ... but that's the same as Malaysia Hell!' protested Ah Meng.
'True,' sighed An Gu, 'but sometimes we don't have oil (expensive), sometimes can't get vultures (bird flu)...
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