Just for Laughes

What's the similarity between a Thai prostitute and bungee jumping?
If the rubber breaks, you're dead!
What's the similarity between a pair of tight jeans and Kowloon Hotel?
There's no ballroom

Merry Christmas

A little boy returned from Sunday school with a new perspective on
the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from
the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he
could hardly wait to tell his parents.

As soon as he arrived home, he immediately began, "I learned all
about the very first Christmas in Sunday school today! There
wasn't a Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys on
camels had to deliver all the toys!

And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't
there yet, so they had to have this big spotlight in the sky to
find their way around!"

Just for Laughes

During the colonial days, three friends went together to apply for a job. The prospective employer was a cocky and nasty English manager. Ah Chong was the first to be interviewed.
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Ah Chong: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I poke your left eye with my finger?
Ah Chong: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I poke the other eye?
Ah Chong: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Manager: Very well, wait outside�Next!
As Ali was going into the room, Ah Chong told his friend, just answer "partially blind" and "blind" and you sure pass!
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Ali: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I poke your left �?
Ali: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I poke�?
Ali: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Manager: Very well, wait outside�Next!
Ali came out and told Singh that Ah Chong was right, just answer "partially blind" and "blind" and you sure pass! However, the manager suspected something fishy and decided to change the questions...
Manager: I'm going to ask you two simple questions, ready..?
Singh: Yes Sir
Manager: What will happen if I cut off your left ear?
Singh: I will become partially blind, Sir!
Manager: What will happen if I cut off your other ear?
Singh: I will become totally blind, Sir!
Angry manager: Tell me how you'll go blind if I cut off
your ears?
Singh: If you cut my left ear, my turban will drop one
side and cover my left eye. If you cut off my other ear,
my whole turban will drop and cover my eyes completely.
Guess who got the job?

Just for Laughes

Helping you to imagine....
How many Irish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Five. One stands on top the table holding the bulb,
the other four rotates the table.
How many Chinese does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two. One screws in the bulb, the other one gives you
the bill.
How many Indians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Fifty. And they'll form a union after that.
How many Malays does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Malays are not supposed to screw anything other
than their wives.
How many TNB workers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Ten. One screws in the light bulb, nine others claim overtime.
How many MIC members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. They can't reach the bulb. Somebody threw all the chairs
and tables.
How many Sarong Party Girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None. Sarong Party Girls don't screw anything that's yellow.

Just for Laughes

Three tourists, an American, an Indonesian and a Malaysian were having a drink at a penthouse bar in downtown Tokyo. The American ordered a bottle of Jack Daniel's whiskey, took just a sip and threw the whole bottle out of the window. He explained to his astounded acquaintances "Where I come from, Jack Daniels is cheap and plentiful, so it has become a habit of of ours to do that". Not to be outdone, the Indonesian promptly lit up a Gudang Garam (clove) cigarette, took a puff and threw the whole pack out of the window. He explained " Where I come from, Gudang Garam is cheap and plentiful, so it has become a habit of ours to do that". The Malaysian, eager to impress, threw the Indonesian out of the window, and explained "Where I come from Indonesians are?."

Just for Laughes

Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?

Student: I don't know.

Teacher: They're called Turks, now what are the people of Germany called?

Student: They are called Germs.

Just for Laughes

An Ah Neh tourist after a long walk in one of very fancy clean streets of Delhi found himself needing to urinate badly. After a long search he could not find any place to you-know, and eventually couldn't control himself and chose a silent corner of a clean street to release himself.

As soon as he had just started you-know-what, a Delhi police official approached him, 'Hey, What do you think you're doing here?' ah neh tourist: 'Sorry I have to Pee' Police : 'No PP here okay ? Follow me.'

The Police officer took him to a beautiful garden nearby with lots of grass, flowers and singing birds around. Police: 'PP here..... and have a nice day'. Pakistani tourist : 'Oh Sir, ....... that's very nice of you, is this Indian courtesy?'Police: 'No.......this is The Pakistani Embassy!'

Just for Laughes

An Ah neh walks into a dentist's office and ask how much it will cost for a wisdom tooth extraction.
"$80," replied the dentist."That's a ridiculous amount" says the ah neh.
"Isn't there a cheaper way?"
"Well" the dentist says, "if you don't use an aestheic, I can knock the price down to $60."
Looking angry, ah neh says, "that's still too expensive!"
"Ok," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia an simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pilers, I can knock the price down to $20."
"Nope!!!" moans the ah neh, "it's still too much for me."
"Well" says the dentist, scratching his head, "if I let one of my students to do it, I suppose I can knock down the price to $10."
" Very GOOD!" says ah neh. "Book my wife for next week."

Just For Laughes

Dr. Mahathir was about to send the first Malaysian rocket into space. 3 potential astronauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one Chinese.

Dr. M interviews the Indian guy first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you
should be paid for it?"

Muthu thinks to himself and says, "1 million ringgit."

"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.

"Nowadays toddy wery expensive, Datuk..." replies Muthu.

"I see," said Dr. M. "Thank you... please ask the Malay guy to come here."

So the Malay guy walks up, and is asked the same question.

"Uh... 2 million boleh lah," replies the Malay applicant.

"2 million? That's a lot of money! Even the aneh before you only asked for one million!"

"You see, Datuk," explained the Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15 children... so, 20 of us in the family, we need a lot of money to support ourselves..."

"I see," said Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask the Chinese guy to come up here now?"

The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, this is a dangerous mission... how much do you think you should be paid?"

Ah Chong thinks for a while, and suddenly says, "3 million."

Mahathir is shocked. "WHAT?!?! 3 million? Why so much?!"

Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer, and whispers "One million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more million we send the aneh into space."

Just for laughes

One day at the Istana, Mr Devan Nair's son wanted to borrow the Presidential Rolls for a night out on the town. So Devan reluctantly agreed, saying that it should be back by midnight.

Midnight came and went and still no car. 2 am and still no car. So Devan hops on his son's motorcycle and goes out in search of his son and the car. He goes all over town but can't find it.

Finally, at 6am he gives up and comes putt-putting back to the Istana. The guard looks at him and says, "Eh, Thambi, how come today no Straits Times?"

Just For Laughes

One day, our beloved Senior Minister went to Thailand and had lobster for dinner with the Thai King. After SM had finished, he asked the King....

SM: Your Highness, what can you do with this lobster shell?
King : We cannot do anything with it, we just throw it away.
SM: Oh, no. In our country, we send it to the factory and produce prawn crackers.

Then SM had an orange. After he had finished, he asked the King.
SM: What can you do with the orange skin?
King : We cannot do anything. We just throw it away.
SM: Oh, no. In Singapore, we send it to the factory and produce orange jam.

Then SM asked for some chewing gum. After he had finished, he put it on the plate and asked the King.
SM: What can you do with the chewing gum?
King: Oh, no. We just throw it away.
SM: In Singapore, we send it to the factory to produce condoms and then send it to Thailand.

SM was about to leave but then the King asked him...
King: What do you do with the condom when you finish using it?
SM: We cannot do anything. We just throw it away.
King: In Thailand, when we finish using the condom, we send it to the factory to produce chewing gum and then send it back to Singapore!!!

And that is the reason why chewing gum is banned in Singapore.

Just For Laughes

UMNO, MCA, MIC

There are three major races in Malaysia. They are the Malay, Chinese and Indian. The Malay has the political power and so they set up the party UMNO which literally means "U Must Not Object".

While the Chinese controlled the economy and they called their party MCA which means "Money Conquered All".

Lastly, the Indian who has no say in politic or economics, set up their party called MIC. Hence, every parliamentary meeting the Indians would ask: "Must I Come?"

Just for Laughes

Why do Malays have the privilege of having 4 wives when they don’t even have the ability to count?

There is a huge diamond in the centre of a square room and there are 4 people in the room. Batman, Spiderman, smart Malay and dumb Malay stands at each corner respectively. So the lights went off, and 4 of them rush towards the diamond. Who got the diamond?
Answer: Dumb Malay, because Batman, Spiderman and smart Malay are fictional characters.

Essentially, there are much more about Malays and Islam but I guess those are over the line. Have you ever seen a group of teenagers (at mamak stall) talking very softly but occasionally bursting out in laughter? Well, at least now you know what they are talking about.

Just for Laughes

Perhaps the hair is the only straight thing about a Chinese. (Although one of my body parts can assure you that this is not true).

If a Chinese goes to Antarctica, he’ll probably dig out the ice, operate a new ice selling business, and con the Eskimos into buying it.

Never be punctual for a Chinese wedding, because God forbid a Chinese wedding to start on time. Never give a red packet consists less than $50, because they will have a book to record it, and will announce your stinginess to the world.

Just for laughes

When we see a Malay man driving a Mercedes, we would assume that he is a politician, if it is a Chinese driving a Mercedes, he would probably be a business man. But if we see an Indian driving a Mercedes, there’s no doubt that he’s a driver or a car thief.

If you walk into a grocery shop that is on sale and all the items are gone, you can be rest assured that the last customer was an Indian.

Just for laughes

There were two Ah Neh who once lived next door to each other, one a Indian and one a Pakistani. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

Just for laughes

Ah Singh had been a sick man and was in the hospital, near death. The family called in Banta Singh, his best friend to stand with him.

As Banta stood next to the bed, Ah Singh's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ah Singh used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died.

Banta thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ah Singh had died. He said, 'You know, Ah Singh handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing him, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.'

He opened the note, and read, 'Please step to your left - you're standing on my oxygen tube!'

Just for laughes

Each morning the Ah Neh Boss was enraged that the tea cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the tea delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.

None of the man's yelling and insults produced a full cup of tea, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less tea.

The next morning he was greeted with a cup of tea that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.

The man couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.

'Oh, there's not much to it,' admitted the clerk happily, 'I take some of the masala tea in my mouth right outside the kitchen, and spit it back in when I get outside your office!'

Just for laughes

The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper.

'How much does it cost to have an obituary printed'? asked miser Ah Neh.

'It's 50 Rupees a word, sir,' the clerk replied politely.

'Fine,' said Ah Neh after a moment. 'Okay then, write this down: 'Banta - dead'.'

'That's all?' asked the clerk disbelievingly.

'That's it.'

'I'm sorry sir, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum.'

'Yes, you should've,' snapped the Ah Neh. Now let me think a minute... okay, here goes: Banta dead. Maruti for Sale.'

Just for laughes

Free Sex Change?

A rich man often went to Bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse." The businessman was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis. Desperate he thought, "Why don't I consult traditional Chinese medicine. They might have some surprises" So, the Chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub." The rich man was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?" The Chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself."

Just for laughes

Just for laughes

A farmer is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his brother and says, "Bro, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bummer of my truck. He's still wriggling � what should I do?''

"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush."

The farmer agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Brother, I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."

"So what's the problem now?" his Bro snapped.

"The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"

Just for laughes

Ah neh do you know why the Indian soccer team will never go into the world cup!

Why!?

Becos every time there is a corner...

They set up mama store.

Jokes on Mat

If Singaporeans eat maggi mee and Indonesians eat indomee, then what do Malaysians eat?
Sodomee

Where is a Malay's favourite shopping spot?
Matro

What is a Malay's favourite tv show?
Ali Matbeal

What do you call a small, cheap Malay?
Econ mini mat

What do you call a Mat driving a police car?
A stupid car thief.

What do you call a Mat driving a Nissan (or any non-luxury car)?
A car thief.

When a normal female kills her foetus, it's called abortion.
What is it called when a Minah does the same thing?
Drug abuse prevention.

What do you call a young Mat ?
Mini Mat

What do you call a Mat bungee jumping?
Mat-Yo Yo

How do you confuse a Mat?
Put him in a circular room and ask him to relac one corner.

What do you call a Mat flying first class in an airplane throwing his weight around?
A hijacker.

What do you call a Mat driving a Porsche/Ferrari/Alpha Romeo that he bought with his own hard earned money?
A figment of your wildest imagination.

What do you call a Mat who's peddling a bicycle?
Also a Thief.

What do you call a Mat who's driving a Datsun 121?
Thief.

What do you call a Mat who's driving a Mercedes Benz?
Ahmad. (Chauffeur)

What do you call a Mat lawyer?
Matlock!

Just for laughes

Television

One day Ramli was looking to buy a television. (Let's say he couldn't try Courts because he got banned for being unable to continue his installment payments a tad too often.) So he tried this neighbourhood department store that sold a wide range of electrical appliances. Not knowing that the store was prejudiced against Mats, he went in and looked around.

When he finally found what he was looking for, he went up to the sales assistant and asked, "Eh brudder, how much this TV, ah?"

The sales assistant gave him a disgusted look and proclaimed, "Get out of this store, we don't provide service to low-life mats. Fuck off!"

Ramli was very sad, but he was determined to get his TV. So, fortunately for him, he had this make-up artist friend who could do wonders. Ramli was thus disguised as a Chinese, and very well too. It was like a total transformation took place. Even his own mother couldn't recognise him.

So off he went, back to the store, this time just wandering around casually, taking his time until the Sales Assistant came up to him and said, "Good afternoon, sir, may I help you with anything?"

Ramli, in his most distinguished manner, replied, "Yes please, I would like to know, this televisen how much?"

The sales assistant squinted and stared at Ramli for a few seconds, then exclaimed," Look, you stupid cock, I told you once and I'm telling you again that we don't serve people like you so why don't you just fuck off and don't ever come back!"

Ramli was shocked that the salesperson was able to recognise him when even his own mother almost chased him away thinking he was a stranger.

"Eh! how you know I who? My disguise gerek what, how come you still know?" asked the shocked Ramli.

The sales assistant looked at him disgustedly and said," Because, you bodoh, that's a microwave oven."

Singh Combo Jokes

Q: Why are there so many Sikh money changers in Singapore?
A: Because they like to deal in Sing dollars.

Q: Why do Sikhs make good shopkeepers?
A: Because when you enter their shop to buy something, you are the buyer; which makes them the buyee.

Did you hear about the Sikh ambulance?
Its siren goes Babu, Babu, Babu... Baryee...Baryee...

What do u call a Bhai who wants to make a U-turn?
Kebelakangpu Singh

What do you call a Sikh driving a flashy red BMW who cuts into your lane?
Tiu Lei Ah Singh.

What about the Sikh who likes tao hway chwee?
Yeo Hiap Singh.

What do you call a Sikh who can swim underwater?
Kuldip Singh Gill.

What do you call a Bhai in a swimming pool?
Kuldip Singh!

What do you call a Bhai who drinks only beer?
Jasbir Singh.

What is the study of young bhais?
Microbhailogy.

What was Mrs. Singh called when she acted in a porno movie?
Hard Kaur!

What was Mrs. Singh called when she posed for Playboy?
Bohcheng Kaur1

What was Mrs. Singh called when she joined a Cantonese criminal gang?
Dai Kaur!

What do you call a Bhai wife-abuser?
Rotten to the Kaur!

What was the Six Million Dollar Bhai also called?
The Bhai-onic man!

What do you call a Bhai doctor?
Tantock Singh!

What do you call a Bhai in shock?
Surpri Singh!

What do you call a Bhai who comes to visit you every three days?
Sarjit Singh!

What do you call an idle Bhai?
Relac Singh!

What do you call a Bhai who keeps turning round in circles?
Pu Singh (pusing)

What do you call a Bhai who's lost?
Mis Singh!

What do you call a Bhai who lives between Singapore and Kuantan?
Mer Singh!

What do you call a Bhai who's coming only tomorrow?
Mahjit Singh!

What do you call an alcoholic Bhai?
Jagbir Singh!

What do you call a unique Bhai?
Justwan Singh!

What do you call a Bhai who likes Chinese herbs?
Gin Singh!

What do you call a Bhai with only one testicle?
Balwant Singh!

What do you call a Bhai on a tightrope?
Balan Singh!

What do you call a Bhai who celebrates Mother's Day?
Amarjit Singh!

What is the official mode of transport for Bhais?
Bhaicycles!

What do you call a young Bhai?
A Singh-let!

What heart surgery procedure did Mr. Singh undergo?
A bhaipass.

What is the study of Sikhs called?
Bhai-ology

Just Passing Through

A Sikh was on his way to B.Khalsa Club when he decided to take a short-cut through somebody's garden. The owner comes out angrily:
Owner: Hey, do you know you are trespassing?
Sikh: No, I'm Jaspar Singh.


How Singapore Got Its Name

When Raffles sailed up the Singapore River for the first time, he saw a Malay woman taking a bath in the river. She had left her clothes on the river bank. As Raffles sailed by, he saw a bhai sneak up and steal her clothes. The upset woman started shouting after the thief, "Singh kapoh! Singh kapoh!"

Just for laughes

Air India

Surinder Singh's uncle was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.

When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!" So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal.

The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked. The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"

Then the uncle took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American. "Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.

Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American. "What is it?" asked the American. "Sweets of India!" replied the old man.

After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "pooooooooot!" sound from the uncle. "What was that?" asked the American, holding his nose in disgust. The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India."

Just for laughes

Air Borne

4 commandos went on a mission. They were 1 American, 1 Japanese, and 2 Singaporeans ( 1 Malay and 1 Chinese).

They were on a helicopter with their barang barangs. Midway in the air, the American commando took out a brand new pack of Marlboros, opened it and took out a stick to smoke. Then he threw the rest of the pack out of the helicopter. On seeing this, the Japanese commando asked,

Japanese: Why you throw away the pack of cigarettes?
American : Marlboro!!! America got a lot !!!

Then the Japanese took out his Sony walkman, and started to listen to it. After a while, he stopped and threw the whole walkman out of the helicopter. The Chinese commando saw it and asked,

Chinese : Why you throw away your Sony walkman?
Japanese: Sony walkman!!! Japan got a lot !!!

Then the Chinese suddenly grabbed the Malay and threw him out of the helicopter. The American and the Japanese were shocked! They asked him why he threw the Malay commando out.

The Chinese commando replied: " Malay!!! Singapore got a lot !!!



Great Expectations

Mat went into the Job Centre to apply for a job. He filled in the Name, Age, Address and IC No. columns, but then paused at a column marked "Salary Expected". He wasn't sure what to write, so he thought for a long while. At last, he smiled, put his pen to paper and wrote, "Yes".




You're Fried

A British soldier, a Chinese soldier and a Malay soldier were running away from a group of Japanese soldiers and came to a deserted warehouse.

The British saw some gunny sacks and thought that the they had no choice but to hide using the gunny sacks. So the three of them hid in the gunny sack and soon the Japs came into the warehouse.

The commander saw three suspicious looking sacks, went up to the first one with the Briton hiding in it and kicked it. The quick thinking Briton cried, "Meow, meow!"

The Jap commander, thinking it was only a cat, went to the other with the Chinese inside, gave it a kick, and the Chinese cried, "Woof, woof!"

Again, the Jap commander was tricked and moved on to the third, gave it a kick, at which the Malay cried out, "Potato, potato!"

Just for laughes

Potong Saga

A Chinese guy bought a new car, and drove it to a temple to have it blessed. The Taoist priest chanted a mantra, stuck a paper talisman on the windscreen and sprinkled some scented water over the car.

An Indian guy bought a new car, sent it to his temple - the priest chanted a prayer and sprinkled ash over the bonnet.

An Eurasian bought a new car and took it to his church - the Father said a prayer, sprinkled some holy water over the car and stuck a St. Christopher medallion on the dashboard.

A Malay guy bought a new car, took it to his regular mosque and the Imam chanted some prayers. Then, the Imam took a hacksaw, went to the back of the car and sawed of a part of the exhaust tailpipe.


Let he who is without brains cast the first stone

A war broke out between two neighbouring countries - a small island and its northern neighbour. The southern, predominantly Chinese soldiers decided to pull a trick on its northern enemy.

The southern troops called out "Eh, Mat! Mat!", and suddenly the northern troops began standing up and asking "Siapa panggil aku?" (who's calling me?).

The southeners immediately opened fire, killing a great number of these mats.

Furious, the remaining Mat soldiers decided to pull the same trick on their enemies... "Oi, Lee! Lee!", they shouted, and the Lee Soldiers started shouting back, "Kong simi?" (What are you talking about?).

The mat soldiers immediately stood up and replied, "Aku lah!" (Me, lah!), getting their heads shot off soon after.

Just for laughes

Taken to the cleaners

Two Malaysian mats are walking along Boon Lay Road when they see a sign which reads: 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair'.

Ali says to his pal, "Gerek, sial! We could buy a whole lot and when we get back to Johor, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you diam-diam, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Singapore accent."

They go in and Ali orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each.

The owner of the shop says, "You're from Malaysia, aren't you?"

"Oh, ... yes," says a surprised Ali. "How come you know that?"

The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners."


Anyhow Whack

Once there was a kampung, and the village headman was very concerned about the poor economic performance of the Malay community. So he commissioned a professor of sociology to study all the communities of the village to discover the cause.

After much study, the professor finally reported back to the headman.

"Well, it looks like the economic problems all stem from the drumbeats of each community," said the professor.

"Eh? What you talking?" replied the headman.

"You see, the Malay word for 'profit' is 'untong'. And it so happens that the Chinese drumbeat is UNTONG ... UNTONG ... UNTONG, UNTONG, UNTONG!!"

"I see, so of course they make lots of money! And what about the Indians?"

"Well, the Indians don't make that much money, so their drumbeat is SIKIT SIKIT UNTONG, SIKIT SIKIT UNTONG."

"And the Malays?"

"Unfortunately, it's TAK UNTONG, TAK UNTONG, TAK UNTONG ..."

Just for laughes

Stick ’em up

Three men, Ah Beng, a Chinese, Ah Neh, an Indian, and Ah Mat, a Malay, were all sentenced to terms of life imprisonment for armed robbery.

Upon reaching the prison, the chief warden told them, "Since you are going to be here for a very long time, you can bring into the cell whatever you wish. Just tell me and I'll try to fulfil it."

So Ah Beng asked for a lifetime supply of cigarettes so he could drown his sorrows in smoke.

Ah Neh asked for a set of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica as he wanted to study his remaining life away, having never passed his PSLE.

Ah Mat, however, asked for a lifetime supply of tampons.

The warden was puzzled and asked, "What do you need tampons for?"

Ah Mat replied: "You never hear, is it? With tampons, you can go running, cycling, swimming......"


Logik, sial

A World Bank development official went into a kampung to help the residents improve economically.

He immediately felt the reason for the poverty was clear when he saw Mat lounging under a tree.

"Why aren't you working?" he asked.

"Work for what?" replied Mat.

World Bank Official: "So you can have an income!"

Mat: "For what?"

World Bank Official: "So you can start saving!"

Mat: "For what?"

World Bank Official: "So you don't have to work any more!"

Mat looked at him, puzzled, and said: "I'm not working now."

Just for laughes

A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my karma ran over your dogma."

Just for laughes

There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.

One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.

They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."

The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.

Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."

The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"

Just For laughes

Three friends who, after graduating from college, were meeting for the first time in years. They each had gone back to their native cities of Jullundhar, Bombay, and Calcutta.

The man from Bombay wanted to impress his two other friends with the medical expertise in Bombay so he stated: "I know of a doctor in Bombay who joined a severed arm with special glue."

Not to be outdone, the friend from Calcutta said: "That's nothing. One of the doctors in Calcutta recently rejoined someone's head with a special ointment."

"We have gone EVEN further," proclaimed the man from Jullundhar. "One of my uncles was cut into two right around the navel. Our doctor immediately slaughtered a goat and joined its rear half to my uncle's upper half. So we have my uncle as well as two liters of milk everyday."