When we see a Malay man driving a Mercedes, we would assume that he is a politician, if it is a Chinese driving a Mercedes, he would probably be a business man. But if we see an Indian driving a Mercedes, there’s no doubt that he’s a driver or a car thief.
If you walk into a grocery shop that is on sale and all the items are gone, you can be rest assured that the last customer was an Indian.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Friday, October 21, 2005
Just for laughes
There were two Ah Neh who once lived next door to each other, one a Indian and one a Pakistani. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
Monday, October 17, 2005
Just for laughes
Ah Singh had been a sick man and was in the hospital, near death. The family called in Banta Singh, his best friend to stand with him.
As Banta stood next to the bed, Ah Singh's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ah Singh used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died.
Banta thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ah Singh had died. He said, 'You know, Ah Singh handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing him, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.'
He opened the note, and read, 'Please step to your left - you're standing on my oxygen tube!'
As Banta stood next to the bed, Ah Singh's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. Banta lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Ah Singh used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then suddenly died.
Banta thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. At the funeral he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Ah Singh had died. He said, 'You know, Ah Singh handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing him, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all.'
He opened the note, and read, 'Please step to your left - you're standing on my oxygen tube!'
Monday, October 10, 2005
Just for laughes
Each morning the Ah Neh Boss was enraged that the tea cup arrived two-thirds full. The clerk explained that he had to rush to get the tea delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way.
None of the man's yelling and insults produced a full cup of tea, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less tea.
The next morning he was greeted with a cup of tea that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
The man couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.
'Oh, there's not much to it,' admitted the clerk happily, 'I take some of the masala tea in my mouth right outside the kitchen, and spit it back in when I get outside your office!'
None of the man's yelling and insults produced a full cup of tea, until he finally threatened to cut the clerk's pay by one-third if he continued to produce one-third less tea.
The next morning he was greeted with a cup of tea that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that.
The man couldn't resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.
'Oh, there's not much to it,' admitted the clerk happily, 'I take some of the masala tea in my mouth right outside the kitchen, and spit it back in when I get outside your office!'
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Just for laughes
The phone rang in the obituary department of the local newspaper.
'How much does it cost to have an obituary printed'? asked miser Ah Neh.
'It's 50 Rupees a word, sir,' the clerk replied politely.
'Fine,' said Ah Neh after a moment. 'Okay then, write this down: 'Banta - dead'.'
'That's all?' asked the clerk disbelievingly.
'That's it.'
'I'm sorry sir, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum.'
'Yes, you should've,' snapped the Ah Neh. Now let me think a minute... okay, here goes: Banta dead. Maruti for Sale.'
'How much does it cost to have an obituary printed'? asked miser Ah Neh.
'It's 50 Rupees a word, sir,' the clerk replied politely.
'Fine,' said Ah Neh after a moment. 'Okay then, write this down: 'Banta - dead'.'
'That's all?' asked the clerk disbelievingly.
'That's it.'
'I'm sorry sir, I should have told you - there's a five word minimum.'
'Yes, you should've,' snapped the Ah Neh. Now let me think a minute... okay, here goes: Banta dead. Maruti for Sale.'
Friday, September 23, 2005
Just for laughes
Free Sex Change?
A rich man often went to Bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse." The businessman was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis. Desperate he thought, "Why don't I consult traditional Chinese medicine. They might have some surprises" So, the Chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub." The rich man was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?" The Chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself."
A rich man often went to Bangkok for the night life and before long he contracted sexual disease. So one day, he went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor examine his private part and said, "This is a very severe case. We have no other way but to cut it away. otherwise, it will spread and become worse." The businessman was shocked. the last thing he wanted was to have it cut and end his night life. He went to other doctors but all gave the same diagnosis. Desperate he thought, "Why don't I consult traditional Chinese medicine. They might have some surprises" So, the Chinese doctor gave him an examination and the doctor said," We don't have to cut. I'll give you herbs to rub." The rich man was so happy. "Wow no operation, you are better than western medicine. I'm amazed, So what is the exact secret?" The Chinese doctor said, "Just wait for three days. It will drop by itself."
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Just for laughes
A farmer is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his brother and says, "Bro, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bummer of my truck. He's still wriggling � what should I do?''
"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can pull it out and throw it in a bush."
The farmer agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he radios back. "Brother, I did what you said, I shot the pig and dragged it out and threw it in a bush."
"So what's the problem now?" his Bro snapped.
"The blue light on his bike is still flashing!"
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Just for laughes
Ah neh do you know why the Indian soccer team will never go into the world cup!
Why!?
Becos every time there is a corner...
They set up mama store.
Why!?
Becos every time there is a corner...
They set up mama store.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Jokes on Mat
If Singaporeans eat maggi mee and Indonesians eat indomee, then what do Malaysians eat?
Sodomee
Where is a Malay's favourite shopping spot?
Matro
What is a Malay's favourite tv show?
Ali Matbeal
What do you call a small, cheap Malay?
Econ mini mat
What do you call a Mat driving a police car?
A stupid car thief.
What do you call a Mat driving a Nissan (or any non-luxury car)?
A car thief.
When a normal female kills her foetus, it's called abortion.
What is it called when a Minah does the same thing?
Drug abuse prevention.
What do you call a young Mat ?
Mini Mat
What do you call a Mat bungee jumping?
Mat-Yo Yo
How do you confuse a Mat?
Put him in a circular room and ask him to relac one corner.
What do you call a Mat flying first class in an airplane throwing his weight around?
A hijacker.
What do you call a Mat driving a Porsche/Ferrari/Alpha Romeo that he bought with his own hard earned money?
A figment of your wildest imagination.
What do you call a Mat who's peddling a bicycle?
Also a Thief.
What do you call a Mat who's driving a Datsun 121?
Thief.
What do you call a Mat who's driving a Mercedes Benz?
Ahmad. (Chauffeur)
What do you call a Mat lawyer?
Matlock!
Sodomee
Where is a Malay's favourite shopping spot?
Matro
What is a Malay's favourite tv show?
Ali Matbeal
What do you call a small, cheap Malay?
Econ mini mat
What do you call a Mat driving a police car?
A stupid car thief.
What do you call a Mat driving a Nissan (or any non-luxury car)?
A car thief.
When a normal female kills her foetus, it's called abortion.
What is it called when a Minah does the same thing?
Drug abuse prevention.
What do you call a young Mat ?
Mini Mat
What do you call a Mat bungee jumping?
Mat-Yo Yo
How do you confuse a Mat?
Put him in a circular room and ask him to relac one corner.
What do you call a Mat flying first class in an airplane throwing his weight around?
A hijacker.
What do you call a Mat driving a Porsche/Ferrari/Alpha Romeo that he bought with his own hard earned money?
A figment of your wildest imagination.
What do you call a Mat who's peddling a bicycle?
Also a Thief.
What do you call a Mat who's driving a Datsun 121?
Thief.
What do you call a Mat who's driving a Mercedes Benz?
Ahmad. (Chauffeur)
What do you call a Mat lawyer?
Matlock!
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Just for laughes
Television
One day Ramli was looking to buy a television. (Let's say he couldn't try Courts because he got banned for being unable to continue his installment payments a tad too often.) So he tried this neighbourhood department store that sold a wide range of electrical appliances. Not knowing that the store was prejudiced against Mats, he went in and looked around.
When he finally found what he was looking for, he went up to the sales assistant and asked, "Eh brudder, how much this TV, ah?"
The sales assistant gave him a disgusted look and proclaimed, "Get out of this store, we don't provide service to low-life mats. Fuck off!"
Ramli was very sad, but he was determined to get his TV. So, fortunately for him, he had this make-up artist friend who could do wonders. Ramli was thus disguised as a Chinese, and very well too. It was like a total transformation took place. Even his own mother couldn't recognise him.
So off he went, back to the store, this time just wandering around casually, taking his time until the Sales Assistant came up to him and said, "Good afternoon, sir, may I help you with anything?"
Ramli, in his most distinguished manner, replied, "Yes please, I would like to know, this televisen how much?"
The sales assistant squinted and stared at Ramli for a few seconds, then exclaimed," Look, you stupid cock, I told you once and I'm telling you again that we don't serve people like you so why don't you just fuck off and don't ever come back!"
Ramli was shocked that the salesperson was able to recognise him when even his own mother almost chased him away thinking he was a stranger.
"Eh! how you know I who? My disguise gerek what, how come you still know?" asked the shocked Ramli.
The sales assistant looked at him disgustedly and said," Because, you bodoh, that's a microwave oven."
One day Ramli was looking to buy a television. (Let's say he couldn't try Courts because he got banned for being unable to continue his installment payments a tad too often.) So he tried this neighbourhood department store that sold a wide range of electrical appliances. Not knowing that the store was prejudiced against Mats, he went in and looked around.
When he finally found what he was looking for, he went up to the sales assistant and asked, "Eh brudder, how much this TV, ah?"
The sales assistant gave him a disgusted look and proclaimed, "Get out of this store, we don't provide service to low-life mats. Fuck off!"
Ramli was very sad, but he was determined to get his TV. So, fortunately for him, he had this make-up artist friend who could do wonders. Ramli was thus disguised as a Chinese, and very well too. It was like a total transformation took place. Even his own mother couldn't recognise him.
So off he went, back to the store, this time just wandering around casually, taking his time until the Sales Assistant came up to him and said, "Good afternoon, sir, may I help you with anything?"
Ramli, in his most distinguished manner, replied, "Yes please, I would like to know, this televisen how much?"
The sales assistant squinted and stared at Ramli for a few seconds, then exclaimed," Look, you stupid cock, I told you once and I'm telling you again that we don't serve people like you so why don't you just fuck off and don't ever come back!"
Ramli was shocked that the salesperson was able to recognise him when even his own mother almost chased him away thinking he was a stranger.
"Eh! how you know I who? My disguise gerek what, how come you still know?" asked the shocked Ramli.
The sales assistant looked at him disgustedly and said," Because, you bodoh, that's a microwave oven."
Thursday, September 01, 2005
Singh Combo Jokes
Q: Why are there so many Sikh money changers in Singapore?
A: Because they like to deal in Sing dollars.
Q: Why do Sikhs make good shopkeepers?
A: Because when you enter their shop to buy something, you are the buyer; which makes them the buyee.
Did you hear about the Sikh ambulance?
Its siren goes Babu, Babu, Babu... Baryee...Baryee...
What do u call a Bhai who wants to make a U-turn?
Kebelakangpu Singh
What do you call a Sikh driving a flashy red BMW who cuts into your lane?
Tiu Lei Ah Singh.
What about the Sikh who likes tao hway chwee?
Yeo Hiap Singh.
What do you call a Sikh who can swim underwater?
Kuldip Singh Gill.
What do you call a Bhai in a swimming pool?
Kuldip Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who drinks only beer?
Jasbir Singh.
What is the study of young bhais?
Microbhailogy.
What was Mrs. Singh called when she acted in a porno movie?
Hard Kaur!
What was Mrs. Singh called when she posed for Playboy?
Bohcheng Kaur1
What was Mrs. Singh called when she joined a Cantonese criminal gang?
Dai Kaur!
What do you call a Bhai wife-abuser?
Rotten to the Kaur!
What was the Six Million Dollar Bhai also called?
The Bhai-onic man!
What do you call a Bhai doctor?
Tantock Singh!
What do you call a Bhai in shock?
Surpri Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who comes to visit you every three days?
Sarjit Singh!
What do you call an idle Bhai?
Relac Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who keeps turning round in circles?
Pu Singh (pusing)
What do you call a Bhai who's lost?
Mis Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who lives between Singapore and Kuantan?
Mer Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who's coming only tomorrow?
Mahjit Singh!
What do you call an alcoholic Bhai?
Jagbir Singh!
What do you call a unique Bhai?
Justwan Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who likes Chinese herbs?
Gin Singh!
What do you call a Bhai with only one testicle?
Balwant Singh!
What do you call a Bhai on a tightrope?
Balan Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who celebrates Mother's Day?
Amarjit Singh!
What is the official mode of transport for Bhais?
Bhaicycles!
What do you call a young Bhai?
A Singh-let!
What heart surgery procedure did Mr. Singh undergo?
A bhaipass.
What is the study of Sikhs called?
Bhai-ology
Just Passing Through
A Sikh was on his way to B.Khalsa Club when he decided to take a short-cut through somebody's garden. The owner comes out angrily:
Owner: Hey, do you know you are trespassing?
Sikh: No, I'm Jaspar Singh.
How Singapore Got Its Name
When Raffles sailed up the Singapore River for the first time, he saw a Malay woman taking a bath in the river. She had left her clothes on the river bank. As Raffles sailed by, he saw a bhai sneak up and steal her clothes. The upset woman started shouting after the thief, "Singh kapoh! Singh kapoh!"
A: Because they like to deal in Sing dollars.
Q: Why do Sikhs make good shopkeepers?
A: Because when you enter their shop to buy something, you are the buyer; which makes them the buyee.
Did you hear about the Sikh ambulance?
Its siren goes Babu, Babu, Babu... Baryee...Baryee...
What do u call a Bhai who wants to make a U-turn?
Kebelakangpu Singh
What do you call a Sikh driving a flashy red BMW who cuts into your lane?
Tiu Lei Ah Singh.
What about the Sikh who likes tao hway chwee?
Yeo Hiap Singh.
What do you call a Sikh who can swim underwater?
Kuldip Singh Gill.
What do you call a Bhai in a swimming pool?
Kuldip Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who drinks only beer?
Jasbir Singh.
What is the study of young bhais?
Microbhailogy.
What was Mrs. Singh called when she acted in a porno movie?
Hard Kaur!
What was Mrs. Singh called when she posed for Playboy?
Bohcheng Kaur1
What was Mrs. Singh called when she joined a Cantonese criminal gang?
Dai Kaur!
What do you call a Bhai wife-abuser?
Rotten to the Kaur!
What was the Six Million Dollar Bhai also called?
The Bhai-onic man!
What do you call a Bhai doctor?
Tantock Singh!
What do you call a Bhai in shock?
Surpri Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who comes to visit you every three days?
Sarjit Singh!
What do you call an idle Bhai?
Relac Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who keeps turning round in circles?
Pu Singh (pusing)
What do you call a Bhai who's lost?
Mis Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who lives between Singapore and Kuantan?
Mer Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who's coming only tomorrow?
Mahjit Singh!
What do you call an alcoholic Bhai?
Jagbir Singh!
What do you call a unique Bhai?
Justwan Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who likes Chinese herbs?
Gin Singh!
What do you call a Bhai with only one testicle?
Balwant Singh!
What do you call a Bhai on a tightrope?
Balan Singh!
What do you call a Bhai who celebrates Mother's Day?
Amarjit Singh!
What is the official mode of transport for Bhais?
Bhaicycles!
What do you call a young Bhai?
A Singh-let!
What heart surgery procedure did Mr. Singh undergo?
A bhaipass.
What is the study of Sikhs called?
Bhai-ology
Just Passing Through
A Sikh was on his way to B.Khalsa Club when he decided to take a short-cut through somebody's garden. The owner comes out angrily:
Owner: Hey, do you know you are trespassing?
Sikh: No, I'm Jaspar Singh.
How Singapore Got Its Name
When Raffles sailed up the Singapore River for the first time, he saw a Malay woman taking a bath in the river. She had left her clothes on the river bank. As Raffles sailed by, he saw a bhai sneak up and steal her clothes. The upset woman started shouting after the thief, "Singh kapoh! Singh kapoh!"
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Just for laughes
Air India
Surinder Singh's uncle was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.
When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!" So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal.
The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked. The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"
Then the uncle took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American. "Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.
Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American. "What is it?" asked the American. "Sweets of India!" replied the old man.
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "pooooooooot!" sound from the uncle. "What was that?" asked the American, holding his nose in disgust. The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India."
Surinder Singh's uncle was booked into an Air India flight to Bombay. But as this was his first time in an aeroplane, he made a few preparations that were out of place.
When the stewardess came around to take orders for the in-flight meal, the uncle declared loudly, "I have brought my own lunch. Make sure you don't charge me for food and drinks!" So, as everybody was given their in-flight meal, the uncle began spreading out his own home-cooked meal.
The man sitting next to him was an American history researcher and was curious about the food. "Excuse me, what is that drink?" he asked. The uncle picked up the yogurt-based lassi drink and said, "Milk of India!"
Then the uncle took out several pieces of chappatis and started feasting. "And what is that dish?" asked the curious American. "Wheat of India!" replied the uncle proudly.
Finally, the uncle took out some desserts. He offered some to the American. "What is it?" asked the American. "Sweets of India!" replied the old man.
After the meal, everyone was settling down when there was a loud "pooooooooot!" sound from the uncle. "What was that?" asked the American, holding his nose in disgust. The old man replied coolly, "That's Air India."
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Just for laughes
Air Borne
4 commandos went on a mission. They were 1 American, 1 Japanese, and 2 Singaporeans ( 1 Malay and 1 Chinese).
They were on a helicopter with their barang barangs. Midway in the air, the American commando took out a brand new pack of Marlboros, opened it and took out a stick to smoke. Then he threw the rest of the pack out of the helicopter. On seeing this, the Japanese commando asked,
Japanese: Why you throw away the pack of cigarettes?
American : Marlboro!!! America got a lot !!!
Then the Japanese took out his Sony walkman, and started to listen to it. After a while, he stopped and threw the whole walkman out of the helicopter. The Chinese commando saw it and asked,
Chinese : Why you throw away your Sony walkman?
Japanese: Sony walkman!!! Japan got a lot !!!
Then the Chinese suddenly grabbed the Malay and threw him out of the helicopter. The American and the Japanese were shocked! They asked him why he threw the Malay commando out.
The Chinese commando replied: " Malay!!! Singapore got a lot !!!
Great Expectations
Mat went into the Job Centre to apply for a job. He filled in the Name, Age, Address and IC No. columns, but then paused at a column marked "Salary Expected". He wasn't sure what to write, so he thought for a long while. At last, he smiled, put his pen to paper and wrote, "Yes".
You're Fried
A British soldier, a Chinese soldier and a Malay soldier were running away from a group of Japanese soldiers and came to a deserted warehouse.
The British saw some gunny sacks and thought that the they had no choice but to hide using the gunny sacks. So the three of them hid in the gunny sack and soon the Japs came into the warehouse.
The commander saw three suspicious looking sacks, went up to the first one with the Briton hiding in it and kicked it. The quick thinking Briton cried, "Meow, meow!"
The Jap commander, thinking it was only a cat, went to the other with the Chinese inside, gave it a kick, and the Chinese cried, "Woof, woof!"
Again, the Jap commander was tricked and moved on to the third, gave it a kick, at which the Malay cried out, "Potato, potato!"
4 commandos went on a mission. They were 1 American, 1 Japanese, and 2 Singaporeans ( 1 Malay and 1 Chinese).
They were on a helicopter with their barang barangs. Midway in the air, the American commando took out a brand new pack of Marlboros, opened it and took out a stick to smoke. Then he threw the rest of the pack out of the helicopter. On seeing this, the Japanese commando asked,
Japanese: Why you throw away the pack of cigarettes?
American : Marlboro!!! America got a lot !!!
Then the Japanese took out his Sony walkman, and started to listen to it. After a while, he stopped and threw the whole walkman out of the helicopter. The Chinese commando saw it and asked,
Chinese : Why you throw away your Sony walkman?
Japanese: Sony walkman!!! Japan got a lot !!!
Then the Chinese suddenly grabbed the Malay and threw him out of the helicopter. The American and the Japanese were shocked! They asked him why he threw the Malay commando out.
The Chinese commando replied: " Malay!!! Singapore got a lot !!!
Great Expectations
Mat went into the Job Centre to apply for a job. He filled in the Name, Age, Address and IC No. columns, but then paused at a column marked "Salary Expected". He wasn't sure what to write, so he thought for a long while. At last, he smiled, put his pen to paper and wrote, "Yes".
You're Fried
A British soldier, a Chinese soldier and a Malay soldier were running away from a group of Japanese soldiers and came to a deserted warehouse.
The British saw some gunny sacks and thought that the they had no choice but to hide using the gunny sacks. So the three of them hid in the gunny sack and soon the Japs came into the warehouse.
The commander saw three suspicious looking sacks, went up to the first one with the Briton hiding in it and kicked it. The quick thinking Briton cried, "Meow, meow!"
The Jap commander, thinking it was only a cat, went to the other with the Chinese inside, gave it a kick, and the Chinese cried, "Woof, woof!"
Again, the Jap commander was tricked and moved on to the third, gave it a kick, at which the Malay cried out, "Potato, potato!"
Monday, August 15, 2005
Just for laughes
Potong Saga
A Chinese guy bought a new car, and drove it to a temple to have it blessed. The Taoist priest chanted a mantra, stuck a paper talisman on the windscreen and sprinkled some scented water over the car.
An Indian guy bought a new car, sent it to his temple - the priest chanted a prayer and sprinkled ash over the bonnet.
An Eurasian bought a new car and took it to his church - the Father said a prayer, sprinkled some holy water over the car and stuck a St. Christopher medallion on the dashboard.
A Malay guy bought a new car, took it to his regular mosque and the Imam chanted some prayers. Then, the Imam took a hacksaw, went to the back of the car and sawed of a part of the exhaust tailpipe.
Let he who is without brains cast the first stone
A war broke out between two neighbouring countries - a small island and its northern neighbour. The southern, predominantly Chinese soldiers decided to pull a trick on its northern enemy.
The southern troops called out "Eh, Mat! Mat!", and suddenly the northern troops began standing up and asking "Siapa panggil aku?" (who's calling me?).
The southeners immediately opened fire, killing a great number of these mats.
Furious, the remaining Mat soldiers decided to pull the same trick on their enemies... "Oi, Lee! Lee!", they shouted, and the Lee Soldiers started shouting back, "Kong simi?" (What are you talking about?).
The mat soldiers immediately stood up and replied, "Aku lah!" (Me, lah!), getting their heads shot off soon after.
A Chinese guy bought a new car, and drove it to a temple to have it blessed. The Taoist priest chanted a mantra, stuck a paper talisman on the windscreen and sprinkled some scented water over the car.
An Indian guy bought a new car, sent it to his temple - the priest chanted a prayer and sprinkled ash over the bonnet.
An Eurasian bought a new car and took it to his church - the Father said a prayer, sprinkled some holy water over the car and stuck a St. Christopher medallion on the dashboard.
A Malay guy bought a new car, took it to his regular mosque and the Imam chanted some prayers. Then, the Imam took a hacksaw, went to the back of the car and sawed of a part of the exhaust tailpipe.
Let he who is without brains cast the first stone
A war broke out between two neighbouring countries - a small island and its northern neighbour. The southern, predominantly Chinese soldiers decided to pull a trick on its northern enemy.
The southern troops called out "Eh, Mat! Mat!", and suddenly the northern troops began standing up and asking "Siapa panggil aku?" (who's calling me?).
The southeners immediately opened fire, killing a great number of these mats.
Furious, the remaining Mat soldiers decided to pull the same trick on their enemies... "Oi, Lee! Lee!", they shouted, and the Lee Soldiers started shouting back, "Kong simi?" (What are you talking about?).
The mat soldiers immediately stood up and replied, "Aku lah!" (Me, lah!), getting their heads shot off soon after.
Tuesday, August 09, 2005
Just for laughes
Taken to the cleaners
Two Malaysian mats are walking along Boon Lay Road when they see a sign which reads: 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair'.
Ali says to his pal, "Gerek, sial! We could buy a whole lot and when we get back to Johor, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you diam-diam, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Singapore accent."
They go in and Ali orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each.
The owner of the shop says, "You're from Malaysia, aren't you?"
"Oh, ... yes," says a surprised Ali. "How come you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners."
Anyhow Whack
Once there was a kampung, and the village headman was very concerned about the poor economic performance of the Malay community. So he commissioned a professor of sociology to study all the communities of the village to discover the cause.
After much study, the professor finally reported back to the headman.
"Well, it looks like the economic problems all stem from the drumbeats of each community," said the professor.
"Eh? What you talking?" replied the headman.
"You see, the Malay word for 'profit' is 'untong'. And it so happens that the Chinese drumbeat is UNTONG ... UNTONG ... UNTONG, UNTONG, UNTONG!!"
"I see, so of course they make lots of money! And what about the Indians?"
"Well, the Indians don't make that much money, so their drumbeat is SIKIT SIKIT UNTONG, SIKIT SIKIT UNTONG."
"And the Malays?"
"Unfortunately, it's TAK UNTONG, TAK UNTONG, TAK UNTONG ..."
Two Malaysian mats are walking along Boon Lay Road when they see a sign which reads: 'Suits $5.00 each, shirts $2.00 each, trousers $2.50 per pair'.
Ali says to his pal, "Gerek, sial! We could buy a whole lot and when we get back to Johor, we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you diam-diam, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Singapore accent."
They go in and Ali orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each.
The owner of the shop says, "You're from Malaysia, aren't you?"
"Oh, ... yes," says a surprised Ali. "How come you know that?"
The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners."
Anyhow Whack
Once there was a kampung, and the village headman was very concerned about the poor economic performance of the Malay community. So he commissioned a professor of sociology to study all the communities of the village to discover the cause.
After much study, the professor finally reported back to the headman.
"Well, it looks like the economic problems all stem from the drumbeats of each community," said the professor.
"Eh? What you talking?" replied the headman.
"You see, the Malay word for 'profit' is 'untong'. And it so happens that the Chinese drumbeat is UNTONG ... UNTONG ... UNTONG, UNTONG, UNTONG!!"
"I see, so of course they make lots of money! And what about the Indians?"
"Well, the Indians don't make that much money, so their drumbeat is SIKIT SIKIT UNTONG, SIKIT SIKIT UNTONG."
"And the Malays?"
"Unfortunately, it's TAK UNTONG, TAK UNTONG, TAK UNTONG ..."
Friday, August 05, 2005
Just for laughes
Stick ’em up
Three men, Ah Beng, a Chinese, Ah Neh, an Indian, and Ah Mat, a Malay, were all sentenced to terms of life imprisonment for armed robbery.
Upon reaching the prison, the chief warden told them, "Since you are going to be here for a very long time, you can bring into the cell whatever you wish. Just tell me and I'll try to fulfil it."
So Ah Beng asked for a lifetime supply of cigarettes so he could drown his sorrows in smoke.
Ah Neh asked for a set of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica as he wanted to study his remaining life away, having never passed his PSLE.
Ah Mat, however, asked for a lifetime supply of tampons.
The warden was puzzled and asked, "What do you need tampons for?"
Ah Mat replied: "You never hear, is it? With tampons, you can go running, cycling, swimming......"
Logik, sial
A World Bank development official went into a kampung to help the residents improve economically.
He immediately felt the reason for the poverty was clear when he saw Mat lounging under a tree.
"Why aren't you working?" he asked.
"Work for what?" replied Mat.
World Bank Official: "So you can have an income!"
Mat: "For what?"
World Bank Official: "So you can start saving!"
Mat: "For what?"
World Bank Official: "So you don't have to work any more!"
Mat looked at him, puzzled, and said: "I'm not working now."
Three men, Ah Beng, a Chinese, Ah Neh, an Indian, and Ah Mat, a Malay, were all sentenced to terms of life imprisonment for armed robbery.
Upon reaching the prison, the chief warden told them, "Since you are going to be here for a very long time, you can bring into the cell whatever you wish. Just tell me and I'll try to fulfil it."
So Ah Beng asked for a lifetime supply of cigarettes so he could drown his sorrows in smoke.
Ah Neh asked for a set of the Encyclopaedia Brittanica as he wanted to study his remaining life away, having never passed his PSLE.
Ah Mat, however, asked for a lifetime supply of tampons.
The warden was puzzled and asked, "What do you need tampons for?"
Ah Mat replied: "You never hear, is it? With tampons, you can go running, cycling, swimming......"
Logik, sial
A World Bank development official went into a kampung to help the residents improve economically.
He immediately felt the reason for the poverty was clear when he saw Mat lounging under a tree.
"Why aren't you working?" he asked.
"Work for what?" replied Mat.
World Bank Official: "So you can have an income!"
Mat: "For what?"
World Bank Official: "So you can start saving!"
Mat: "For what?"
World Bank Official: "So you don't have to work any more!"
Mat looked at him, puzzled, and said: "I'm not working now."
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Just for laughes
A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my karma ran over your dogma."
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Just for laughes
There was once a Indian and an Pakistani who lived next door to each other. The Indian owned a hen and each morning would look in his garden and pick up one of his hen's eggs for breakfast.
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
One day he looked into his garden and saw that the hen had laid an egg in the Pakistani's garden. He was about to go next door when he saw the Pakistani pick up the egg. The Indian ran up to the Pakistani and told him that the egg belonged to him because he owned the hen. The Pakistani disagreed because the egg was laid on his property.
They argued for a while until finally the Indian said, "In my family we normally solve disputes by the following actions: I kick you in the balls and time how long it takes you to get back up, then you kick me in the balls and time how long it takes for me to get up, who ever gets up quicker wins the egg."
The Pakistani agreed to this and so the Indian found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, he took a few steps back, then ran toward the Pakistani and kicked as hard as he could in the balls. The Pakistani fell to the floor clutching his nuts howling in agony for 30 minutes.
Eventually the Pakistani stood up and said, "Now it's my turn to kick you."
The Indian said, "Keep the damn egg!"
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
Just For laughes
Three friends who, after graduating from college, were meeting for the first time in years. They each had gone back to their native cities of Jullundhar, Bombay, and Calcutta.
The man from Bombay wanted to impress his two other friends with the medical expertise in Bombay so he stated: "I know of a doctor in Bombay who joined a severed arm with special glue."
Not to be outdone, the friend from Calcutta said: "That's nothing. One of the doctors in Calcutta recently rejoined someone's head with a special ointment."
"We have gone EVEN further," proclaimed the man from Jullundhar. "One of my uncles was cut into two right around the navel. Our doctor immediately slaughtered a goat and joined its rear half to my uncle's upper half. So we have my uncle as well as two liters of milk everyday."
The man from Bombay wanted to impress his two other friends with the medical expertise in Bombay so he stated: "I know of a doctor in Bombay who joined a severed arm with special glue."
Not to be outdone, the friend from Calcutta said: "That's nothing. One of the doctors in Calcutta recently rejoined someone's head with a special ointment."
"We have gone EVEN further," proclaimed the man from Jullundhar. "One of my uncles was cut into two right around the navel. Our doctor immediately slaughtered a goat and joined its rear half to my uncle's upper half. So we have my uncle as well as two liters of milk everyday."
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