Just for Laughes

Sex Education

A third grade teacher told her class, "Children, we are going to begin to study a little sex education. Tonight, girls, your first assignment will be to find out from your parents how to avoid getting pregnant. For you boys, your assignment will be to go home and find out what a penis is."

So little Musa goes home and asks his father, "Daddy, what is a penis?"

The father pulls down his pants and points proudly saying, "Son, that is a perfect penis."

The next day, when Musa gets to school, his best friend runs up to him on the playground and says to Musa, "I forgot to find out what a penis is! What's a penis!"

Musa tells him, "Come on." So they both go into the boys room and Musa pulls down his pants. He points down and says, "There, if that was a little smaller, it would be a perfect penis!"

Just for laughes

Double Standards

Little Musa gets up to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. As he passes his parent's bedroom he peeks in through the keyhole. He watches for a moment, then continues on down the hallway, saying to himself, "Boy, and she gets mad at me for sucking my *thumb*"

GUESS WAT?

I have one
You have one
Your mother uses your father's one
And your auntie uses your uncle's one
A married lady would acquire one
But a divorced lady would lose her one
Think...
Arnold Schwarzenneger has a longer one
Michael J. Fox has a shorter one
Madonna doesn't have one
The Chinese usually have short ones
While the Indian usually have long ones
Do you have one?
How long is your one?
Which one is your preferred one?
What you are thinking of?
go down......
>.
>.
>.
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
> ?
Answer : its your Surname, what else? !!!!!

Just for Laughes

Once during the gulf war, the President of USA, and the Prime Ministers of UK and Singapore were travelling on a warship that was cruising near S.Arabia.

The 3 were talking about how brave their soldiers were; their discussion soon turned into an argument where each wanted to prove the bravery oftheir own soldiers.
The Pres. of USA said, "let me show u what is guts", where upon he called his Colonel and said "Jump into the sea and swim 3 rounds around this ship!". The Colonel replied "Anything for Uncle Sam, Sir", jumped in to the shark infested sea and swam 3 rounds around the ship, with the sharks chasing him like mad! After the successful 3 rounds, the Colonel came up to the deck and said, "I did it for Uncle Sam Mr. President!". The proud US President replied "That's what I call guts!".

The Prime Minister of UK was pissed. He had to show. He called his 3-star General and said "General, jump into the sea and swim 10 rounds around This ship!". The General replied "Anything for the Queen, Sir", jumped in to the shark infested sea and swam 10 rounds around the ship, with the sharks chasing him like gila!(lunatic). After the successful 10 rounds the 3-star General came up to the deck and said, "Long Live the Queen!".The proud UK PM replied "That's what I call guts!"

The Prime Minister of Singapore cannot tahan. He had to show that his soldiers have it too. He called one of his Private, Ah Beng and said"Soldier, jump into the sea and swim 50 rounds around this ship!".The Private replied "Oi, you siao(crazy) izzit? I juz bought my condo and I Am paying through my nose. Now, U want me to jump and die? If u want toHao lian (show off), you jump into the sea yourself ! ()&*( #@%.The Singapore PM grinned and said "Now,that's what I call guts!".

Just for Laughes

A drunkard jobless Indian stumbled onto a lamp. He rubbed on it and amagical genie Singh with a turban appearedand said "I grant you two wishes, Macha.."

The Indian thought for a while and said "OK, I want to be rich like aChinaman! Poof! When the smoke disappeared, the Indian was smartly dressed, hairjelled and combed back like Chow Yuen Fatt complete with handphone in hand.As he walked towards his brand new shiny Mercedes, he noticed his ownreflection.

Not only was he smartly dressed, he was also much fairer in complexion.The shocked Indian angrily summoned the genie and complained "Are youdeaf or what? I said I wanted to be rich like a Chinaman, not become aChinaman!"

I don't want to be a Chinaman because they cheat, lie and con their way tobecome rich..."
The genie reminded him that he's entitled to one more wish "What do youwant then, Muthu?"To which Muthu quickly replied "I just want to be rich and I don't want towork!"

Poof! He was transformed into a Bumiputra...

Ah neh Meets Chee nah

Just for Laughes

What's the first thing that come to your mind when you see a Chinese mandriving a BMW?
A pimp.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you see a Malay mandriving a BMW?
Ahmad.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you see an Indian mandriving a BMW?
A car jockey.

What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you see a Bhai drivinga BMW?
A car repossessor.

Just for Laughes

Little Manu asks his mother how old she is. Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." Manu then asks his mother how much she weighs. Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?" To this, the mother says, "you shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room.

On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out. The boy looks it over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"

Ha Ha

What do you get when you put 100 Chinamen under a printing press? The Yellow Pages

What do you get when you put 100 Indians under a printing press? Ayear's supply of carbon paper.

Pros

Little Musa was playing outside the local brothel with his schoolmate. They were too innocent to know what went on inside, but saw several men walk up, knock on the front door, and hand over $50 to the madam who greeted them, and then let them inside. Each man later came out with pleasant smiles on their faces.

The little boys' curiosity was aroused, so they managed to come with $1 between them two.

They went over and knocked on the door. The madam answered, asked them what they wanted, and, not knowing what to say, the boys merely handed over the $1. The madam took them inside, grabbed them by their necks, banged their heads together, and tossed them back out the door.

Little Musa sat up, rubbed his head and said to his schoolmate, "I sure am glad we didn't have $50! $1 worth of that is about all I could stand!"

Heaven

Little Musa was sitting in class one day. On this particular day, the teacher wanted to ask her class which part of the body went to heaven first.

One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think your mind goes to heaven first because you have to have a mind in order to believe in God."

The teacher praises the little girl as a little boy raises his hand. He says, "I think your heart goes to heaven first because God is all about love."

"Very good," said the teacher. The teacher looked up and saw Little Musa's hand up. "Oh no," she thought, "I'm not gonna like this. Little Musa, which part of the body do you think goes to heaven first?"

Little Musa thinks for a minute and says, "Your feet." The teacher asked him why he thought your feet go to heaven first.

He replied, "Well, I was walking past my parents' bedroom last night and my mom had her feet up in the air and she said, 'Oh God, I'm coming!'"

Babies

Little Musa was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his parents, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent. "The stork brought you to us."
"Oh..." replied Musa. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."

Just for Laughes

Little Mamo is walking with his father in the park and they see two dogs locked in a sexual embrace. Little Mamo not understanding what the dogs are doing asks his father,

"Daddy, what are those two dogs doing? To which the father replies,
"They're making a puppy!"

Later that night Mamo wakes up and walks down the hall to his parents bedroom and catches his mother and father making love. Mamo asks his father,

"Daddy what are you and mommy doing?" To which the father replies,

"Mamo we're making you a little sister." Mamo thinks for a few moments and responds,
"Well, daddy could you roll her over?

I'd rather have a puppy!"

Just for Laughes

Little Mamo's parents divorced and he lived with his mother. One day he heard his mom saying, ' I need a man, I need a man'. He peeped from the keyhole and saw his mom playing with her genitals, saying, " I need a man, I desperately need a man. "

The next week, Little Mamo heard his mom screaming inside her room. To his surprise, he saw a man jumping on her through the keyhole.

He ran to his room and began playing with his little dicky, saying, " I need a bike, I desperately need a bike."

Just for Laughes

Ah Beng, Bhai and Ahmad were convicted of raping an Ang Mo chioh boo and sentenced to death. In mitigation their lawyer said they were first offenders and very remorseful so thejudge said he would be lenient and allow them to choose how they wanted to be put to death; after all, he couldn't double the sentence...

Ah Beng said he want to die like Rambo in a hail of bullets and like a lau hero he faced the firing squad."Ni na beh..." Bang! and he was dead.

Bhai wanted to show his piousness by returning to tradition, so he asked to be hanged naked from a treewith vines and his request was duly granted.

Mat wanted asked for death by lethal injection, but to show he was an "innovative" modern Mat, requested that he be injected with the Aids virus. On the day of execution the doctor told him that he was sorry to have to do this and that it was actually against the Hippocratic oath but he had no choice.

Mat just smiled and whispered "Relac ah, Doc! I won't die. Today I know you coming so I wore condom!"

Just for Laughes

About a century or two ago, the Pope decided that all the Jews had to leave Italy. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Jewish community.

So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay. If the Pope won, the Jews would leave.

The Jews realized that they had no other choice. So they picked a Rabbi to represent them.
The Rabbi asked for one condition to be added to the debate. "To make it more interesting", he said, "neither side would be allowed to talk."

The Pope agreed. The day of the great debate came. The Rabbi and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute.

The Pope raised his hand and showed three fihgers. The Rabbi looked back at him and raised one finger. The Pope waved his fingers in acircle around his head. The Rabbi pointed to the ground at where he sat. The Pope pulled out aloaf and a glass of wine. The Rabbi pulled out an apple.

The Pope stood up and said: "I give up. This man is too good. The Jews can Stay."

An hour later, the cardinals were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represnt the Holy Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is one God common to both out religions."

"Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God is all around us."He responded by pointing to the ground showing "God is also right here with us."

"I pull out the wine and loaf to show that God absolves all sin. He showed me an apple to remind us of the original sin. He had an answer for everything.

"What could I do?"

Meanwhile, the Jewish community had crowded around the Rabbi. "What Happened?" They asked.

"Well," said the Rabbi, "First he indicated to me that all the Jews had 3 days to get out of here. I indicated to him to fuck off and that not one of us would be leaving. Then he pointed out that this whole city would be cleared of Jews.

I showed him that we are staying right here." "Yes, and then???" asked the crowd.

"I don't know", said the Rabbi, "He suddenly took out his lunch and I took out mine!!!"

Super Singh Jr

A first grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students studying at YPS Patiala.

The teacher asked, "Singh Jr, Wats your problem?"

Sungh Jr answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My Sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than her! So I think I should be in the third grade too!"

Ms Neelamhad enough. She took Singh Jr to the principal's office. While Singh Jr waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer an of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave.

Singh Jr was bought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 X 3?"
Singh Jr: "9".
Principal: "What is 9 X 9?"
Singh Jr: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grade should know.
The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Singh Jr can go to the third grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions . Can I ask him?"

The principal an Singh Jr both agree.

Ms Neelam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Singh Jr: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Singh Jr: "Pull his Pants"
Ms Neelam: "What stars with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contain thin whitish liquid?
Singh Jr: "Coconut."
Ms Neelam: " What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?"
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer....
Singh Jr: " Bubblegum."
Ms Neelam: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?"
Singh Jr: "Shake hands."
Ms Neelam: "Now I will ask some "Who am I " sort of questions, OK?"
Singh Jr: "Yap"
Ms Neelam: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."
Singh Jr: "Tent."
Ms Neelam: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first."
The principal was looking restless, abit tense and took one large Patiala Volka peg.
Singh Jr: "Wedding Ring."
Ms Neelam: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Singh Jr: "Nose."
Ms Neelam: "What word starts with a "F" and ends in "K" that means a lot of heat and excitement?
Singh Jr: "Firetruck."

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send Him Delhi University, I got the last few wrong myself!"

$50 Indian Gays in Little India

Foreign workers caught moonlighting as sex workers

EVERYBODY has heard about women from China soliciting for sex in the red-light district at Geylang and at massage parlours.

But a different form of the crime is also taking place in Little India, this time involving men.
Tonight, Get Rea! — Channel NewsAsia's current affairs programme — kicks off its fifth season with an exclusive report on the male foreign workers involved in such activities at the heart of Serangoon Road. A lot of the action is said to take place near popular shopping areas.

Get Rea! went undercover to see if the story was true. Its undercover agent, Sam, approached some of these men, known on the street as $50 men. One asked him whether he wanted to go and have sex in a room for $50.

Eventually, Sam struck a "deal" with the man for $45. The man told Sam he was a construction worker by day.

According to sources, some of these men are unaware that what they are doing is against the law, although several have already been caught.

From June to August, more than 10 men — including foreigners — have been caught and charged with soliciting in the Little India area.

If convicted of soliciting in a public place, they face a fine of up to $2,000, a jail term of up to six months, or both.

Just for Laughes

Three ah nehs had walked down to the train station from the University. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they didn't hear the train arrive, but they did notice the noise of the train as it started to depart.

After a desperate rush two of them manage to scramble onboard. The third looked sad and a passing railway official said, 'Don't feel bad, at least two out of three of you made it.'

'True…', sighed Musa, 'But the other two were only here to see me off!'

The Ah Neh Blogger

Meet the Ah Neh Blogger

http://sambharmafia.blogspot.com/

Just for Laughes

Little Mamu says to his mother, "Mommy, I have to go and wee wee."

The mother replies back, " Would you like Mommy to take you to the toilet?"

The little boy responds back, "No, let grandma... her hand shakes a lot!"

New India Budget Airlines

No wonder their airlines make money!

Just For Laughes

Just before takeoff on a commercial flight, a stewardess asked Little Ali to make sure his seat belt was fastened.

"Superman don't need no seat belt," he protested.

She answered: "Superman doesn't have a name called Ali, neither does He need to travel in an airplane." He fastened it.

Just For Laughes

Xiao Xin needed $100 very badly and his mother told him to pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks, but nothing turned up. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, they opened it up, and decided to send it to the President Ah Bian.

Ah Bian was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the Xiao Xin $5. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

Xiao Xin was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God which reads as follows: Dear God, Thank you so very much for sending me the money. I noticed you sent it through The Central Government. As usual those bastards deducted $95 as tax.

La Pi Xiao Xin

In class today, the teacher was discussing starvation. So she asked volunteers to come up to the chalkboard to draw their own idea of starvation. But she knew better than to call on Xiao Xin because , well to put it lightly, Xiao Xin was a nuisance.

Although Xiao Xin was the only kid in class with his hand up the teacher called on Jose. So Jose goes up and draws a round circle on the board and a bunch of dots in the circle.

The teacher asks him, "What is that, Jose?" And he says, "starvation is when all you have for dinner is a bunch of peas..."The teacher says, "That's great Jose, but not quite what I'm looking for"

She begins to seek another volunteer, even though Xiao Xin is the only one with his hand up she calls on Suzy. Suzy goes up and draws a circle and only puts 2 dots in it, and explains to the teacher that starvation is only having two peas for dinner. and again the teacher says, "Well that s great but not what were looking for"... So finally she calls on Xiao Xin even though she knows she'll regret it.

Xiao Xin comes up and draws a big circle and draws a bunch of skribbly lines in it and the teach is thinking,,, well here it comes ,,,,,,,, she says, "O.K. Xiao Xin, tell us what's your idea of starvation is".

And Xiao Xin says "WELL, TEACHER ,,,, THIS CIRCLE IS A BIG ASSHOLE,,,, AND ALL THESE SKRIBBLES ARE COB-WEBS"

Ha Ha

Little Indejit and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a beer and the little boy asks, "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"

Grandpa replies back, "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" Little Indejit responds, "No." "Then you can't have one."

A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have one of those?"
Grandpa says, "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" Little Indejit responds "No." "Then you can't have one."

Later on, grandpa and grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but little Indejit says, "I just won $50,000!" Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?"

The little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your asshole?" "Yes," says grandpa. "Then go fuck yourself."

Just for Laughes

Little Ali was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Ali, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?"

"None.", replied Ali. "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Ali said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone and the third sucking the cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Ali, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."

Just For laughes

Hi guys, this is a real one.

There was this phirang guy we knew who was visiting Delhi.
Being a newbie, hewas advised by everyone against travelling by Delhi Transport Company. However, adventurous as hewas, he boarded a DTC bus one day and much to his consternation, noticed the following on the back of the seat:

Look under your seat! There WOULD be a bomb! Raise Alarm! To earn AWARD!

This was his first ever DTC ride, and needless to say, his last one!

Just for Laughes

An American was on Air Indian on the way to Delhli. Thinking that the journey is a long one he turn to an indian passenger, trying to start a conversation.

"Hi, who r u? U from India?" The Indian man felt disturbed...

And he replied, "Do you know how to talk about shit?"

The American said, "I rather not talk about such topic its not nice mentioning them here!"

The Indian shouted, "If you can't talk SHIT with me how can we continue our discussion on Nuclear Warheads?"

Just for Laughes

Ken visits his family friend, Ali's house who suffered a broken leg.
His friend said,"My feet are cold, pal. Can you go upstairs and fetch my slippers pls?"

Ken went up and there are his friend's gorgeous 19 year old twin daugthers in bed.

"Hi girls. Your dad sent me up here to slag you both," said Ken.

The first daugther says,"That's not true!"

"Yes it is!", says Ken, "I'll prove it."

So, Ken yells down to Ali," Both of them?"

His friend, Ali yells back,"Of Course both of them!"

Be WHITE

Two Pakie's see an advertisement in a window, reading "be white for $10" . They both want to become white as they believe they will no longer be subject to racial abuse.

As only one of them has any money, he agrees to try it and if it's good, he'll lend the other Pakie $10. He goes into the shop, while the other waits outside. After an hour or so, the Pakie who went to have is skin changed to white comes out looking really good and white.

The other Pakie then says "wow that really worked, can you lend me $10 so I can be white as well".

His friend turns round and says "fuck off you Pakie" and walks off.

Just for Laughes

If the Titanic was made in India:

10) There would be 10 times as many people on the ship.

9) There has to be a song with a girl wearing a white dress, singing in the rain.

8) By the end of the movie he finds his mom, dad, sister and brother.

7) It's seven and half-hours long.

6) The movie would be called "Doobta Hua Pyar".

5) Kate Winslet played by Madhuri Dixit, and Leonard Di' Caprio played by Salman Khan.

4) The boat would sink, because there are too many people on it.

3) None of the people would float for long cause of the saris.

2) They would be serving mango fruity on the boat.

1) Wait a minute it was an Indian movie if you think abou it.

AND

Can you imagine how many times we would hear "Bachaoooo"!!!

PS: The hero, heroine, his mom, dad, sister and brother will float in the cold water for days and yet survive. The villain will drown in the first drops of water.

Just for laughes

Proverbs 21:23, The Amplified Bible"He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from troubles."

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit, She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass acrossan urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform herthat there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
Women!!

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure.

People from the neighborhood rushed around to find outwhat the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

Junior said "The subscriber you have dialed is not available at present. Please Try Again Later"...

Just for Laughes

Let's vote on this now!

Lee, Chee, and Chiam are in a boat in the Singapor river, when suddenly the boat develops a leak. They have only one life jacket. Lee says: "Let's do the Democratic thing. Take a vote to see who gets the life Jacket." They each write a name on a piece of paper and stuff it in a coffee can. Chee and Chiam get one vote each;

Lee gets six!

Just for Laughes

Who is Hu? Chinese leader to visit US
He is president and undisputed leader of a fast-rising nation whose emergence poses economic, diplomatic and security challenges for Washington.

Bush is meeting Hu (WHO?)
I dun care who just get the arrangements done. After that get me Koffi! The assistant asked, Sir U want coffee? Ya! Koffi Anan. Ok I will try to get coffee n Nann for your tea break.

Just for laughes

This is an actual job application a 17 year old boy submitted at a McDonald's fast-food establishment in Malaysia... and they hired him because he was so honest and funny!

NAME: Musa Ali
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Tekka Aye Championship.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Dubai with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.

Just for laughes

Ram, Shaam and Billu, three friends, died and went up to God. God said
that they could stay in Heaven only if they did not eat the apples from
the sacred tree.

After a while, Ram got greedy and ate an apple. God summoned him. Ram
said, 'God please forgive me and let me stay in heaven.' God replied,
'OK, but you will have to sleep with your new wife every 12 hours.' Ram
was happy only to find his new wife was uglier than a frog.

Meanwhile, Shaam also ate an apple thinking God was too busy but he too
was summoned. God said, 'Shaam, I did not expect this from you, but you
have to be punished. You have to sleep with your wife every 6 hours.'
Shaam's wife was uglier than the Ram's wife.

Billu was happy in heaven and never dared go near the tree. One day he
was summoned by God and Billu was scared. God pointed to a beautiful
woman and said, 'This is your wife and you can sleep with her anytime.'

Billu replied, 'But I have done nothing good to deserve this beautiful
woman.'

God says, 'Yes, but this time, she ate the apple!'

Just for laughes

A Singapore PR (previously came from Malaysia) named Ah Meng was just arriving in Hell, and was told he had a choice to make. He could go to Singapore Hell or to Malaysia Hell. Naturally, An Meng wanted to compare the two, so he wandered over to Malaysia Hell. There outside the door was Ah Lian, looking bored.

'What's it like in there?' asked Ah Meng.

'Well,' he replied , 'In Malaysia Hell, they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let a vulture tear your liver out, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'

'That's terrible!' gasped Ah Meng. 'I'm going to check out Singapore Hell!' He went over to Singapore Hell, where he discovered a huge line of people waiting to get in. The line circled around the lobby seven times before receding off into the horizon. Ah Meng pushed his way through to the head of the line, where he found An Gu busily signing people in. An Meng asked Ah Gu what Singapore Hell was like.

'In Singapore Hell,' said An Gu impatiently, 'they flay you alive, boil you in oil, chain you to a rock and let vultures tear out your liver, and cut you up into small pieces with sharp knives.'
'But ... but that's the same as Malaysia Hell!' protested Ah Meng.

'True,' sighed An Gu, 'but sometimes we don't have oil (expensive), sometimes can't get vultures (bird flu)...

Just for laughes

A lady in black tudong walk pass a row of pubs when a drunk stumbles out, see her and punches her in the face.
Before she can scream.
He lands her a quick jab and finishes with an uppercut.
She goes down and the drunk starts kicking herin the sides.
A few of his friends walk out of the pub and as they pull him off.
He yelled, "You are not so tough are you! Batman?"

Just for laughes

A couple is standing in line at a Macdonald waiting to order their food.

There is a big sign posted at the front: No bills larger than $10 will be accepted.

The woman in front of them, pointing at the sign and said, "Believe me, if I have a bill larger than $10, I'm sure wouldn't be eating here!"

Salute To Mardan Mamat

Osim Singapore Master Winner!

WHAT' S GOLF
Golf is like a love affair
If you don ' t take it seriously, it' s fun
If you take it seriously, It' s going to be heart-ache.

Golf is a lot of walking
broken up with lots of disappointments.

Bush HARD on India.

Both Bush and Indian PM Singh met up during the recent Nuclear talks.

Bush: " Well, since we are done with the signing let me continue with we I love best."
Singh: " Wats that then?"
Bush: " I sense that you have put on a very nice Cologne! Yum...."
Singh: " Its really nothing, just apply oil to ur hair every two week and keep them neat under the turban, the fragrance will be produced by itself!!"
Bush: " Well its very unique, what is it called."
Singh: " Its Air India!"

Just For Laughes

I found this.... Ha ha....

Mahathir was so disappointed with his cabinet for being inefficient and corrupt that he decided to call on Goh Chok Tong and ask him how he managed to have such an efficient and uncorruptable cabinet.

On hearing Mahathir's woes, PM Goh said, 'Simple, Mahathir, I choose able men for my cabinet. ' Mahathir asked, 'Yes, but how do you know that they are able?' PM Goh replied, Just ask them simple questions to test their intelligence. They don't need to be too difficult. Let me illustrate to you.'

Just then, Tony Tan was walking by, PM Goh called out to him, 'Hey Tony, come over here.' Tony obediently walked briskly over. PM Goh asked, 'Tell me, Tony, who is your father's son ?'

Tony Tan immediately replied, 'Me! Of course.' PM Goh turned to Mahathir and said, 'See, all my ministers can answer this question. Why don't you go back and try.' Mahathir thank PM Goh and left.

Once he was back, he immediately summoned Anwar, his deputy, and shot the question at him, 'Tell me, Anwar, who is your father's son ?' Anwar was shocked beyond words and did not know the answer

After a while, he recovered and said, 'Boss, let me find out and I'll tell you tomorrow.' Mahathir, a bit disappointed, agreed, hoping that Anwar will give a good answer tomorrow.

Meanwhile, Anwar was panicking that his boss was testing him. He tried desperately to find out the answer from his staff, but none of them knew the answer. The next morning, he decided to call Bill Clinton for help.

Surely the most powerful person in the world must know the answer. When Bill picked up the phone, Anwar said, 'Hello, Bill, can I ask you a question?' Clinton, very busy, replied, 'Alright, but it better be good!' Anwar quickly asked, Tell me, who is your father's son ?'

Clinton was fuming, 'Of course its me, you stupid!' and he slammed the phone down

Satisfied that he got the answer, he confidently walked into Mahathir's office and said, 'Boss, I've got the answer to your question.'

Mahathir, happy that his deputy wasn't that dumb, said, 'So tell me quick, who is your father's son, Anwar?' Anwar confidently replied, 'It''s BILL CLINTON!'

Mahathir slapped his own forehead in disgust and said, No you stupid! It's TONY TAN!'

Top Ah Neh Pass away

Former Deputy Prime Minister S. Rajaratnam, one of Singapore's founding fathers, has died.

The man who penned the lines for the Singapore Pledge, Mr Rajaratnam had retired from politics in 1988 after 29 years in Cabinet - the last four as Senior Minister.

Mr Rajaratnam, who would have turned 91 years old on Saturday, died of heart failure at 3.15pm on Wednesday.

A former journalist, Mr Rajaratnam had a long and illustrious career as a Cabinet Minister.

But he will also be remembered for his keen intellect, his passion for ideas and books, his humour and his wit.

In 1983, Mr Rajaratnam said: "Singapore run only by PhD's would be my vision of a purgatory. Equally, a government run by road sweepers can be no less a terrifying place to live in."

He once said: "Singapore is prosperous and people are leaving us alone because we are strong and nobody disturbs...

"Even elephants do not disturb a hornet's nest. The hornets are very small but if you go and disturb the hornets' nests, all the hornets join together and can make life miserable - no animal ever disturbs an hornet's nest though the nest is very small.

"So Singapore should be a hornet's nest, two-and-a- half million people, everyone is a bee with a sting."

Born in Sri Lanka on 25 February 1915, Mr Rajaratnam was educated at Victoria Institution in Kuala Lumpur and then Raffles Institution in Singapore.

He became politically active during a stint in London.

And it was in London that he met his wife Piroska Feher, a Hungarian teacher and his soul-mate in their 48 years of marriage.

After the Second World War, Mr Rajaratnam first worked as a reporter, and then Associate Editor of the Singapore Standard from 1950 to 1954.

Even then, he believed in nationalism and self-determination, and that Singapore must be run by Singaporeans.

One of the founder members of the People's Action Party, he quit journalism in 1959 to run in the Legislative Assembly Elections. He served in the Kampong Glam constituency for 29 years.

Soon after being elected, Mr Rajaratnam was appointed Minister of Culture and he made television history with the first speech to be broadcast to Singaporeans.

On 15 February 1963, Mr Rajaratnam said: "Tonight Television Singapore begins transmission with the mother's pilot service. And tonight marked the start of a social and actual revolution in our lives.

"If used intelligently and responsibly, television can far more effectively than any other mass media broaden the intellectual horizons of the ordinary man."

Mr Rajaratnam had more than a knack for simplifying and presenting ideas to the man in the street.

President S.R. Nathan said: "He had a sobering effect in times of crisis. He was a communicator of what they had intended to do.

"He was an ideas' man. Sometimes maybe far-fetched but ideas nevertheless drawn from history, drawn from experience, drawn from his journalistic experience. And sometimes he probably would say how this was to be conveyed.

"So even tough messages could be conveyed in language that the average man can understand and relate to. This was necessary at that time. People were looking for leadership and guidance from the government and invariably they realise that this government would find them the answer."

As Singapore's first foreign minister, Mr Rajaratnam worked from scratch to set up the Foreign Service and formulated a foreign policy to put then little-known Singapore on the map of international politics.

Mr Lee Kuan Yew, Singapore's Prime Minister (1959-1990), said: "Raja was a man of enormous charm, personal charm, integrity and character and he had a difficult job because Singapore was a difficult country to represent.

"I mean, we were small, we were not viable and people doubted whether we would survive, but he had this enormous gift of being self-possessed.

"He doesn't look diffident. He is not arrogant. He is friendly, approachable, very personable and he gets on with people. He wins the confidence of those who deal with him, and that was a great advantage."

"So, of all my colleagues, I thought he was the one who would represent us best abroad and he did."

He was the key person who gave Singapore a louder voice - one that was out of proportion to the island-state's geopolitical significance and size.

Professor Tommy Koh, Ambassador-at-Large, said: "He has always felt that as the foreign minister of a very small country that he had to punch hard in order to be noticed.

"I also learnt from him that one ought not to be intimidated by one's small size. That if you have good ideas and you can persuade other people to know you have good ideas, you will succeed in spite of your small size. He was therefore responsible for this pro-active streak in our foreign policy tradition."

In a speech to Parliament in December 1965, Mr Rajaratnam gave a realistic appraisal of Singapore's position in Southeast Asia, and outlined a foreign policy which aims to cultivate as many permanent friends for the country as possible.

Professor Koh added: "He was a people person. People warmed up to him. He likes people. He likes company, he was the wordsmith. The government needed a friendly face to the world and he was the friendly face to the world."

On 8 August 1967, the Association of Southeast Asian Nations (ASEAN) was born and Mr Rajaratnam was one of the five founder-members who signed this new agreement.

ASEAN went on to grow into the major 10-member regional organisation it is today.

Back home, Mr Rajaratnam introduced the policy of multi-racialism, insisting that the three main races be accorded equal importance and significance.

And he worked hard at forging a common identity among Singaporeans.

It was an unenviable task, considering the strong communal, racial and religious differences among Singaporeans then.

On 25 February 1990, Mr Rajaratnam said: "Certainly all of us who went into politics believed in it that we can create a Singapore where race, religion, language does not matter.

"What matters is that we are one people and if you know there's a song we have. It goes something like, I cannot remember - "We are Singapore and these are my friends." - This is why I am here tonight."

This sentiment was the very basis of the Singapore Pledge he had penned:

"We the citizens of Singapore pledged ourselves as one united people. Regardless of race, language, or religion..."

Mr Rajaratnam said: "This was a new generation but now that they are all grown up, probably fathers and grandfathers but at that time, this concept (of a nation) was not even part of the imagination of adults, let alone children.

"So the best way to create a nation is to start from the schools. Once this is embodied and thinking by pure repetition everyday, that becomes part of the psyche of the people.

"So let me tell you if you are a Singaporean - two and a half million - no place to run - no more. Whether you are a Singapore Chinese, Singapore Malay and Singapore Indian, you cannot run away. This is your last stand, last outpost. So how do you do it?

"If you think of yourself as Chinese, Malays, Indians and Sri Lankans, then Singapore will collapse. You must think of Singapore - this is my country. I fight and die for Singapore if necessary."

One of the last of the Old Guard leaders to retire from politics, Mr Rajaratnam stepped down as Senior Minister at the age of 73 but he continued to work at the Institute of Southeast Asian Studies till 1996.

After his wife Piroska died in 1989, Mr Rajaratnam was asked about his thoughts on death and if he feared it.

He answered: "No, not death, but how one dies...one day, before the curtain closes, I would like to know, did I do something worthwhile?"

The answer must be a firm "yes".

Just for Laughes

MEANING OF WIFE AND HUSBAND

W --- wonderful
I ---- item
F --- for
E --- entertainment

H---- handsome
U --- useful
S --- smart
B --- but
A --- at
N --- night
D --- dangerous

Just for Laughes

RESEARCH FINDING

Research shows men are fatter than women
because every-night men get fresh milk & 2 big papayas
while women only get 1 banana, 2 peanuts & 1 tea-spoon of starch

Just for laughes

Subject: Church Organist

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never beenmarried. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into herquaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glassbowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water. In the waterfloated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor triedto stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater,but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "MissBeatrice", he said. "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing tothe bowl.

"Oh, yes" she replied, "isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the parka few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. Thedirections said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it wouldprevent the spread of disease.

Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter!"....

Just for Laughes

HOW INDIA GOT ITS NAME

This is how India got its name.....
The king was having sex with his mistress....
while thinking a name of his country and his mistress ask him "is it In Dear?".

Just for laughes

NAMES OF WIVES

One man had 4 wives, so he called his
4th wife..... baby doll,
3rd wife ....china doll,
2nd wife.....barbie doll,
1st wife..... panadol.


DON' T LOOK AT NAKED LADY

Boy 1: Why do you run from a naked lady?
Boy 2: Becos my mum said that if I look at a naked lady, I ' ll turn into stone.
A part of me is getting hard already.

AhNeh Movie

"Our enemy is nameless, faceless. We don't know their numbers except that they are sure to be many. We don't know their weapons except that they are sure to be more sophisticated then woman."

If you are interested to see more of the dancing, running around trees, Indian MTV, fake fighting scene and Indian soft porn. visit http://www.indianmovieclub.com

I kind of enjoyed some to those shows. :)

Just for Laughes?????

This image is no Joke!

Just for laughes

My best friend is Pussy.






My neighor is two balls.





I live in an enclosed area. Dark and smelly.





I like being rubbed.







Its hard to be a DICK. But I love to be HARD!

Just for Laughes

Ah Neh and his two friends are talking in a bar.

His first friend says,"I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day, I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they definitely weren't mine."

His second friend says, " I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. The other day, I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine."

Ah Neh says,"I think my wife is having an affair with a horse."

Both his friends stop drinking and look at him with utter disblief.

"No, I'm serious. The other day, I came home and found a jockey under our bed."

Just for Laughes

Once a sardar doctor calls his sardar patient on the phone and says 'Hi, main bol raha hoon!'

The other sardarji replies 'Kamaal hain, ithe vi main bol raha hoon!'

Doctor to Sardar: 'Aapka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai!'

Sardar: 'Hoga, zaroor hoga! 25 saal se mera khoon jo pee rahi hai!'

Just For Laughes

Just For laughes

A mama decides to ask Goh for help.

"Dear Lord," he prays, "if I don't get some cash, i'm going to lose everything. Please let me win the Lottery."

Lottery night comes but the mama doesn't win!

He prays even harder, saying, "GOD, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please let me win this one."

Suddenly, there is a blinding light and the mama hears God speaks.

"Ah neh, work with me on this," HE said. "Buy a Ticket."

Just for Laughes

A guy was walking down Arab street when he sees a woman with
perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100?"
"Are you nuts?" she replies, and starts to walk away. He says,
"You wouldn't let me do it for even $1,000?" "Listen, sir, I'm not
that kind of woman. Got it?"
He says, "How about $10,000?" The woman thinks about this for
awhile and says, "You'll pay me $10,000 to bite my breasts?" He nods.
She reluctantly says, "Let's go to that dark alley over there."
They go to the alley and she takes off her blouse. The guy begins caressing her breasts, kissing them, and fondling them.
Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you going to
bite them, or what?"

"Nah," he replies. "Too expensive!"

Just for Laughes

Ahmad , Muthu and Ali

Ahmad died in a fire and his body was so
badly burnt that the morgue needed
someone to identify the body. They called
up his two best friends, Ali and Muthu.

Ali went in first and the mortician
pulled back the sheet. Ali said,"Wah,
he's very barbecued like 'char siu'. Please
roll him over, and I will tell you whether
if he's my friend Ahmad or not."

The mortician rolled the body over and Ali
looked at his ass and immediately
said, "No-lah, that isn't Ahmad."
The mortician was puzzled but didn't say anything.

He then went and got Muthu to inspect the body.
Muthu looked closely and said,"Yes, it is
true he's burnt very badly, but roll him
over and I'll see if he's my friend Ahmad."

Again the mortician rolled the body over and
Muthu looked down at the ass and said, "Oh
thank goodness, this is not Ahmad!!"

The mortician was extremely puzzled, and
unable to stand it any longer, he asked,
"Okay, you have to tell me now - how can
you and Ali tell whether it is Ahmad
just by looking at the ass?"

Muthu replied, "It's simple really. Well
you see, Ahmad had two assholes!"
"What?!!" the mortician said with disbelief,
"He had two assholes?!!"
"Oh yes! Everyone in Penang Road knows
this because everytime the three of us
go out, people always say, "Here comes
Ahmad with the two assholes."

just for laughes

Sardarji drives his wife to the airport as she has to attend a 2-week,company training session in England. At the airport he gives her a hug and wishes her to have a good trip.

The wife answers: Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for
you
ji ?

Sardarji laughs and says: An English girl!!!

The shy wife blushes and keeps quiet and leaves for England.

Two weeks later he picks her up in the airport and asks:

So, honey, how was the trip?

Very good, thank you ji.

And, what happened to my present?

Which present?

The one I asked for: the English girl?!

Oh, that! the shy wife blushes and keeps quiet and finally mutters :

"Well, I did what I could, now we have to wait 9 months to see if its a girl !!!"

Just For Laughes

Ah Neh Engineering & Medical Entrance Exam

Time Limit: 3 Weeks

1. What language is spoken in Tamil Nadu ?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to (a) build a bridge (b) sail the ocean (c) lead an army or (d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (a) Jewish (b) Catholic (c) Hindu (d) Polish (e) Agnostic (check only one)

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in India's far north called? (a) Westerners (b) Southerners (c) Northerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton

10. Six kings of India have been called Akbar , the last one being Akbar the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from? (a) Macy's (b) a 7-11 (c) Canada (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity? (a) yes (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The "Jana Gana Mana " is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of India produces the most oranges? (a) Gujarat (b) Russia (c) Canada (d) Pakistan

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples how many apples do you have?

19. What does AIR (All India Radio) stand for?

20. The University of Chandigarh tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)? (a) B.C. (b) A.D. (c) still waiting

*You must answer at least three questions correctly to qualify*

Just for Laughes

A Sardarni competed with a French woman and an English woman in the Breast Stroke division of an English Channel swim competition.
The French woman came in first, the English woman second.
The Sardarni finally reached shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and coffee, she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I think those other two girls used their arms."